Britney went shopping at Neiman Marcus the other day after her hearing and decided to shoot off her mouth. Luckily an Us Weekly reporter and several eyewitnesses happened to be eavesdropping on her conversation with her assistant while she was trying on clothes.

After singing along to Umbrella – I would have given anything to hear it – Britney ripped into the judge in her custody trial:

"I hate my judge. He is so mean. Just an old fart. He told me I was being catty with him, but he was being catty with me and paid me no respect at all. His job is to sit there and tell people what to do. And that"s just so sad, because he gets off on it."

How about people who get off on flashing their bald hoo hoos. Is that sad too?

But it gets worse. At one point, like a 5 year old child, Britney told her assistant Bret that she wanted her doggy. When Bret told her that London was in Malibu, Stupid replied,

"F-k that. That will take us an hour to drive there. Can"t we have the dog messengered over?"

Messengered??? Messenger a dog?!?! Like it’s pizza?

Chicken Fried Dog Abuser!!! Guillermo needs to slap her!