We open on an episode of Gossip Girl. Fried Chicken Serena Van Der Woodsen? Chuck Bass has an English accent like the real Ed Westwick only this dude is a terrible over-actor. That or he’s been given bad direction. Probably a combination of both.
Then Britney’s real life boyfriend comes by pretending he’s Jax Teller. My FAVOURITE part is at around the 2:05 mark during the “headwhip” to the beat. Jason Trawick’s headwhip is the BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. Also I keep wanting to push that piece of fringe off her face when she’s dancing in the hallway.
They’re having a lot of sex. He cups her breasts from behind in the shower. I can almost see the strategic position of their fingers as arranged by the production assistant to cover the nipples like the playback monitor is just right there. They did a great job shooting her from certain angles and digitally messing with it in post so that her body, when they’re f-cking, looks like the one she had in 2000.
Unfortunately, Britney and Jason are not hot camera kissers. Some people are hot camera kissers, others just look like they’re swallowing each other. I’m afraid Fried Chicken and her fiancé fall under the second category. This is no Keira Knightley and James McAvoy in Atonement. Wait, I have to watch that again.
Anyway, not even close, right?
Criminal gave me a lot of pleasure. Many, many laughs. Enjoy it.