After seeing her in person, I’m considering never calling her a Hermy again. And this hurts me. It hurts me more than you will ever know. Because I love Hermy Cam and my smutty existence just isn’t the same without Hermy Cam. But for the sake of objectivity, in real life, Cameron Diaz is actually quite feminine. Or at the very least, she was feminine on Oscar night – no balls in sight. Soft hair, sweet face (yes, sweet…can you believe it?), she floated down the carpet in the most breathtaking Valentino. And while it may have looked like an ordinary white dress, the barely discernible pattern on it was exquisite, and it fit her like it was made for her. Cam has a great way of holding her body. She’s free and bouncy but not like Jessica Simpson. She has a confident gait. And when she smiles, she really does make you want to smile back. Trust me, I’m as flummoxed as you are but I can’t lie. When she was standing underneath our balcony talking to the Ellen-cam I was transfixed. The green earrings, the hair, the makeup, live and up close, it was all totally gorgessity. All but the shoes. And disappointing too. Because Cameron is well known for her footwear. She’s well known for non-matchy matchy footwear. And silver shoes to cap off an otherwise excellent comeback from the Globes was actually a major letdown. Had it not been for the shoes, she would have owned the night.