Cameron Diaz is not good with breakups. Cammie becomes That Girl. We all know a girl who’s That Girl. Or maybe we’ve all been That Girl. When I was 16 and a boy broke up with me for some bitch who looked like Reba McEntire, I drove to his house every night to see if she was over. She used to wear this really lame floppy hat and walk around asking people whether or not it “fazed” them. He was dumb enough to think that that was a really profound question. Obviously I’m totally over this.

In my defence, being 16 and dumped is one thing. Being Cameron Diaz, 38, and dumped and losing your sh-t is entirely another, especially when you so desperately want guys to think of you as the good time girl who comes with no drama and just loves to ride the cock.

Remember when Cam shrilled out on Justin Timberlake for almost an hour at a party after the Globes when she found out about Jessica Biel? I see this happening in public more and more. Adult women screaming in public like it’s not embarrassing at all. WHEN did it become not embarrassing? It will NEVER be NOT embarrassing. Please communicate this to everyone you know - via Facebook, via Twitter, your distribution list, please do it for real. Because I’m not sure enough people are actually aware.

Cameron Diaz certainly isn’t.

And if little Pipsqueak Timberlake with his half sack was able to turn her into a raging jilted cliché, imagine the impression ARod’s centaur of a package has left behind.

I’ve no doubt he f-cked her up. And she’s holding on, barely. And she may let loose on him, there may be another incident. Perhaps she shows up at one of his games, starts mouthing him off from the stands while he’s at bat. While the cameras are rolling. Um... would totally be Good for Gossip, OF COURSE it would be.

Which must be why Gwyneth Paltrow is trying to kill our erection. Gwyneth specialises in killing your joy, non? Gwyneth hooked up with Cam for dinner after the Emmy Awards. As you know, they’ve been friends a long time. G is also, as you know, a life coach for many of her friends. She tells them how to make high class pizza and suffer through their husband’s infidelity. It’s a good influence for Cam. It’s a calming one. It means that we may not get the meltdown that would otherwise go down if G could mind her f-cking business; but that’s the kind of girl G is - she looks out for her (famous) friends.

Cam was apparently very happy and smiled a lot during their time together, showing no signs of residual crazy from when ARod left her. Knowing Gwyneth she’s probably already thinking of who to set Cam up with next. Garrett Hedlund?

File photos from Kevin Mazur/VF11/Jeff Vespa/Kevin Winter/Jason Merritt/Frazer Harrison/ROBYN BECK/GABRIEL BOUYS/Kevork Djansezian/Jordan Strauss/