Cameron Diaz turned 38 yesterday. I want to look like that at 38. Some people want to look like that at 28. Goddamn those legs. It would be a tight leg-off non? Between her and Blake Lively?

So Happy Birthday and all great wishes to a girl whose life is pretty perfect but for one douchey shadow... and maybe The Green Hornet which, to me anyway, looks like a mess but Seth Rogen will probably have to own it entirely so we’re just left with the massive ego known as ARod in her life, her boyfriend since around the Super Bowl, who was with her last night in New York after a celebratory dinner, the man who gets to enjoy that body...WHY???

It upsets me that she’s with him. Because he’s suuuuuch a loser. He’s a cheater, personally and professionally. He owns “art” in the form of a painting of a centaur IN HIS LIKENESS. And, well, look at him. That bitch is more vain than his Hollywood girlfriend. I really wish she’d stop wasting her time. Just imagine who else she could be spending her time with.

Cam says she doesn’t care. That she rides it out until there’s nothing left and is happy to move on. Sure. It’s a lot less dramatic than the Jennifer Aniston way of living. But at the same time, Cammie could be saving herself a lot of future cringing. You know what I mean. Had I known about future cringing I would have been a LOT more discerning.


Photos from Jackson Lee/Splashnewsonline.com