It was quite a tame Valentine’s Day, celebrity-wise. Jessica took Jackpot Johnson out for a spin, Goop showed us the joy of cooking for one and apparently Brad gifted Angie with breath mints.

So when in doubt, turn to the mothers. Vanessa Minnillo shared a page from her private family diary with PEOPLE. Sorry did I say private? I meant totally f-cking public. Because why wouldn’t a mother share her Valentine’s Day letter to her son? You can read it in full here, but – spoiler alert! – she loves her son.

I’m sorry moms, no no no. We don’t get to co-opt Valentine’s Day. We get Mother’s Day, our birthday, a bit of Father’s Day (because that’s how we roll), but Valentine’s Day is not about parents/kids. And not only that, this isn’t even good gossip! If it was Beyonce writing a letter to Blue, yes of course we would devour that any day of the year. But the Lachey-Minnillos are hardly the Carter-Knowles. We can’t just lap up any story that involves a mom mothering her baby.

And again, Valentine’s Day is not about moms.

It’s for little ones to give the entire class a Valentine card, or new couples to disappoint each other, or old couples to ignore, or the day to eat cinnamon hearts until you get a stomach ache.

But celebrity relationships are held up as the ideal (which is ironic considering the rate at which they fall apart), and celebrity motherhood is supposed to be aspirational, hence anything to do with babies and moms has become the go-to story. But it’s incredibly boring and not fun gossip, which is the most disappointing part of it all.

What’s next, an Arbor Day feature on Jessica Alba?

To read from Vanessa’s “private” journal, click here.