If everything is bigger and brighter at the Oscars, then the opposite is true too. Whatever is gross gets even grosser at the Oscars.

Belly cupping is gross. Belly cupping at the Oscars is the grossest ever.

If you’ve been reading my column for a while, you know I’ve been crusading against this move for a long time. Starting here. For celebrities and real people alike.

There are other places for a man to put his hand. He doesn’t have to put it there to show that she is pregnant. If it’s cuppable, it means it’s noticeable. Therefore, we KNOW. Therefore, find somewhere else to rest your hand…that’s more comfortable and natural and less obnoxious and directly related to your sperm.

Then again, Channing Tatum is the MiniVan Majority’s go-to boy these days. And nothing gets the MiniVan more excited than people having babies. And now their favourite person is having a baby and they need to feel as close to the uterus as possible. In this case it would be his hand. So through his hand via uterus, it’s almost like he’s doing it for them while taking them to his first Oscars. And while there, he ballroom danced with them in pink dresses. If they were voting, Magic Mike would have won Best Picture last night.