Prince Albert of Monaco and his Serene Prisoner Charlene Wittstock attended the Red Cross Ball in Monte Carlo the other night. She tried to look…happier. And many people have noted that she does indeed look less …tortured?... than she did on her wedding day and after. Really? I don’t see it.

Check out these shots of Charlene and Albert dancing. My Photo Assumption says she’s trying her best not to throw up in his face, and just might if he moves to kiss her which, relief, he doesn’t. Why? Because he can barely conceal the contempt he has for her, let alone put his lips on her mouth. You have embarrassed me enough! Now have my baby!

Also look at the picture of them at dinner, sitting across from each other. Please. That sh-t is so awkward I feel like I need to medicate. Remember that game I told you about that I play often? Picture Him On Top Of You? She did. And she thought she could stand it. And she obviously can’t. You assume that a title and a lot of money can make anything go down smoother. I’m just saying, to all you young girls out there, Charlene’s diamonds aren’t helping her with that gag reflex.

Photos from and Pascal Le Segretain/AFP/Handout/