Almost everyone is on their best behaviour at a film festival. Not only because the international media lurks around every corner but also because one of the main objectives at a film festival, especially for smaller budget projects, is to buy and sell.

Such is the case for Battle in Seattle, Stuart Townsend’s directorial debut – the passion project on which he has toiled for 5 years.

Stuart is gorgeous. Unbelievably sexy. With terrific style. And sooooo nice. SO nice. The movie was screened on Saturday and was apparently well received which is why Stuart was so chuffed when he arrived at the Battle in Seattle afterparty that afternoon.

After so long, after the blood, sweat, and tears, it must have been an extremely validating moment. And he was happy to share it. He was wearing a black suit, perfectly tailored, short hair, beautiful eyes, and told me he couldn’t wait to finally have a drink to chill out and enjoy the moment. Smiling from ear to ear, Stuart also said that he loved working with Charlize, joked that he did take perverse pleasure out of bossing her around for the duration of the shoot.

I adored him. He is delightful. Which is why it is such a mystery why he’s been with someone so miserable and so full of her own sh-t for so long. I don’t get it.

Charlize came to “support” Stuart. She was in Toronto for 2 days and left back to NYC to resume shooting with Will Smith. Here they are on the set of John Hancock yesterday. On Saturday she attended the George Christie lunch, walked down the red carpet flanked by 4 massive bodyguards shielding her body from photographers refusing to stop.

Let me repeat.

There was a red carpet. The carpet was there so event organisers could invite press. She walked the red carpet. She did not go in the back door, she did not slip in through the kitchen. She chose to walk the carpet. And she chose to make a huge f*cking production out of not wanting to be photographed.

Everywhere she went she refused to be photographed. And she refused to talk on the carpets as well, refused interviews, even at the premiere and especially not at the after party. Word is she is fiercely guarded by a publicist, and even when a festival staffer approaches her to verify something, even when another publicist at an event comes over to ask after her, Charlize will supposedly stare at the person, look blankly ahead, and wait for her personal publicist to answer.

So why come, bitch? Why show up at all? Who is good enough to talk to you???

The point of showing it here in Toronto was to generate buzz for her boyfriend’s movie. And as much as I love Stuart, his name alone is not going to carry the sale. Right now, they’re looking for a US distributor. And attaching that sales pitch to an Oscar winner is the way the game works.

If you want to sell, you get out there and you pound it. You drive it home. You do what Matt Damon does and what George Clooney does and you shake every hand and smile for every photo, preferably with the movie’s poster in the background.

If this movie is what Stuart said it was – a project he was devoted to for half a decade, a movie about corporate greed, a movie intended to promote discussion and raise awareness – you get out there and you work it even harder than you would a blockbuster. You work it for HIM. You do what you can to make sure his efforts can be shared with as many people as possible.

But Charlize Theron is above that. Charlize is so special she can sell without talking, Charlize doesn’t need to make the effort. The same Charlize whose big break came in the illustrious Two Days in the Valley, showing off every inch of her beautiful body and her lovely tits, remember that? But one Oscar changes everyone, doesn’t it?

Seriously bitch… who do you think you are? Even George Clooney has to make the effort.

I’m telling you – Charlize Theron is a cow. She thinks she’s an “artist” but she’s a cow. A gorgeous, gorgeous cow but a cow nonetheless.

Douche. If she won"t promote it, maybe we should?
Click here for footage of Battle in Seattle