Here’s a 17 year old mother of the bride going to pick out china patterns. TERRIBLE choice. I mean I understand she wants to set herself apart from Ariana Grande and not dress like she’s a screaming pop teen but there had to be other cuter options.

Or maybe I’m just mad at her because I hated If I Stay, the movie, and didn’t cry at all, not even close. And I swear, I wanted to. The conditions were set up so well. I was exhausted from golf and a bad round. I ate poutine and pulled pork and chips. I was strung out on root beer. The tears were ready, they just needed a nudge.

And instead…

I just couldn’t get with her as Mia. She reminds me too much of Lindsay Lohan. And they focused so much on the romance in the second act, her parents practically disappeared, even though the family is where so much of the emotion comes from. Unfortunately they gave up the family in favour of the boyfriend. Which would have been fine if they actually had chemistry. Jamie Blackley is great. I just didn’t believe they were into each other. At one point, the two of them are lying in bed after having sex and he’s telling her about his homeless drunk dad and how sad it was to see him like that and her first reaction to his tragic story is to say, “Sh-t, Adam”. My reaction to “Sh-t, Adam” was to laugh. And it got worse from there.

When the grandfather is crying at her bedside telling her it’s OK for her to go? That part had potential. Until at the very end of his pleading, he let out the longest, weirdest sounding wheeze in the history of cinema. Took me right out of the moment.