Look at this gorgeous and magnificent snowy owl, so wise, so still. It sits peaceably, suffering the presence of these peasanty humans who dare stand near it. It even bears the hand of Chris Hemsworth, human peasant, who reaches toward its majesty and splendor with his dull human hand. No such hand is worthy of this owl. This owl is a king. This owl is a god. This owl would murder everyone in the press room were it not tethered to that stupid stump. Untether the owl-god-king, and suffer its fearsome wrath!

There was a photo call for The Huntsman: Winter’s War at Claridges in London and they dragged this beautiful snowy owl out to pose with the cast, when the owl would clearly rather be murdering some small creature in its natural habitat. Chris Hemsworth demonstrates balls of steel in reaching out to touch the owl that would obviously rather be murdering. No one else dares to even look directly at the owl, which is how the owl wants it. (Ask me about the owl terrorizing my parents. Owls are merciless creatures that do not know kindness.) Look at this owl, posing so coyly. It knows it’s the prettiest.