When Chris Hemsworth was named People’s Sexiest Man Alive, we were all like, wait what? What’s he even promoting? Avengers: Age of Ultron isn’t until May 2015, and that Ron Howard whale movie is in March, but we totally forgot one! Hemsworth has that dismal looking Michael Mann movie about hackers, Blackhat, due in January (lower your expectations accordingly). Does that make the SMA thing a little more logical? He DOES have a movie to promote just after being named SMA.

I still don’t get it, though. Hemsworth covers the January issue of GQ to promote Blackhat and while I recognize the individual parts—he’s tall, he’s buff, he’s accented—I’m just not seeing the whole picture. So many people tell me how lady-hard they get when they see him cuddling his babies in his big arms, but fatherhood is not inherently sexy to me. He might as well be carrying around a sack of flour. Liam Hemsworth, on the other hand, I totally get. I used to not see it, but then he sprouted a beard and seemed to become a Proper Man overnight and I’m into it, aesthetically at least. Hemsworth the Younger comes up in the GQ interview. Chris says he “had no empathy” when watching Liam f*ck up like every 20-ish kid f*cks up, and that his mom had to remind him that he was a complete tool at that age, too.

The profile is set up as a kind of “man test” to see if Hemsworth is a Legit Man or a Hollywood Man, and throughout the piece Matt Damon keeps coming up—he and Hemsworth are good friends. He lends Hemsworth and his profiler, David Katz, a couple of bikes. He forgets to give them water. He insists they make breakfast, not go to a diner. Matt Damon is one of the good ones, one of the best, really, and if he’s tight with Chris Hemsworth, then that is the most attractive thing about him. It’s all you need to know. This entire profile could have been one sentence: “Chris Hemsworth is friends with Matt Damon.”

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