Football fans are rejoicing everywhere as Cristiano Ronaldo narrowly avoided Ebola Paris Hilton contamination last night at Villa. Could the most potent virus in Hollywood be weakening? Or will this rejection only make her more vicious?

Fortunately for Ronaldo, he escaped unscathed despite her best efforts. Because as soon as she saw him, she wanted to f&ck him and ruin his career. But as Ebola sauntered over and pressed her tits together trying to entice him into the diseased black hole between her legs, Ronaldo instead decided to take a pass.

Benji Madden, meanwhile, was nowhere to be found…

As for Ronaldo, thank you for your emails arguing for his spot on the Freebie Five. Don’t hate…but he’s not my kind of quiver. Too coiffed and cheese…

Forgive?

Photos from Wenn.com