Despite numerous reports that she can barely hold her sh-t together, NBC is going ahead with confirming Christina Aguilera as one of the four judges on its new show The Voice, premiering in April. The press conference happened yesterday. She looks busted, always, but maybe not as busted as she’s been lately, which is just a fancy way of saying that this is her sh-t to her past diarrhoea.

And then she sat down. That can’t be comfortable, right? It doesn’t look comfortable. It looks like she can hardly breathe, what with her tits stuffed tightly into a dress that’s too small, pushing them up to the point where they look like they might suffocate her. Just me?

Also, I’m thinking the last thing this girl needs is more makeup. Why is it that people still haven’t figured out that makeup can make it so much worse?

Anyway, the other judges on The Voice are Blake Shelton, Cee-Lo, and, ugh, Adam Levine. The concept of the show comes from Holland. It sounds kinda complicated but basically it’s a singing competition and the judges sit in these spaceship style chairs with their backs turned so they can’t see the contestants but if they like what they hear they press a button and turn around. And that’s supposed to be the “aaaaah” moment for the audience.

Then the contestants are assigned to a judge. And they train and whatever and then America votes!

Jesus. What happened to the days of listening to someone sing and them simply picking up the phone? It feels like a lot of bells and whistles and gadgety business so that, I don’t know, the audience doesn’t have time to think? Dylan’s favourite expression these days is “it’s a slippery slope”. He walks around saying it all the time, and I think it totally applies here. Pretty soon, a television show where people talk to each other and nothing more will be outlawed for its lack of THINGS HAPPENING ALL AT THE SAME TIME STIMULATION.

Then again, Mark Burnett is producing this one and he knows more about tv than you and me. Carry on.

For more information on The Voice, click here. There’s a video attached below too, footage from the Dutch original. Start at 1:15 and you’ll get a flavour for it.

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