It was a motorboating extravaganza.

Big ups to Christina Hendricks for refusing to conform, for refusing to downsize her curves. Much respect to Christina Hendricks for being able to carry those badboys around with toppling. And doing so without looking obscene. Some broads with their big tits, they cannot be anything but Porny. Like Jessica Simpson. Hendricks manages it with class and style. Try not to get hypnotised by her breasts. Try. I’ve already failed this morning for 10 minutes.

And then there’s Mimi. Mimi’s cleave had more makeup on than her face. Compared to Christina, there may not be as much of it but it seems like there’s more. Does that make sense? There seems like a LOT. Like you’re stuck in one of those fun houses, and every turn is a dead end only instead of a dead end Mimi’s tits, another corner, Mimi’s tits, another corridor, another mirror, Mimi’s tits, Mimi’s tits, Mimi’s tits, Mimi’s tits, Mimi’s tits...

Last night she was slapping me in the face with her tits. Tit slapping in the face is totally not the same as motorboating. Please note the distinction.

Photos from Timothy A. Clary/Kevork Djansezian/Staff/ Angela Weiss/Stringer/Getty and