I feel like there should be a rating system on Twitter for how long you stayed with Peter Pan last night. I had on-the-laptop errands to do so I thought I’d be in for the long haul, but I definitely found myself blinking awake during one of the various pirate dances post-child-kidnapping.

Okay, so…?  Well, it’s no Sound Of Music. Everyone was clearly drilled within an inch of their lives and so the “live TV screw-ups” were, well, minimal. I mean, I don’t know who hemmed that camera operator into the far left corner of the nursery during the first flying scenes so that he or she could get exactly none of the shots, but maybe in the long run that’s okay since Peter Pan kept juuuuust about running into walls.

But: I know the focus is on whether or not Allison Williams needs to be eviscerated, and I’d say not at all. Other than a sliding teacup, there were no major mess-ups.  Girl didn’t hold any note for a second longer than she was contractually obligated to, but I had forgotten what an entitled dick Pan is, and she played it exactly right, kind of delighted at how smug he is. As for the fact that we kept seeing implications of Peter Pan’s cleavage? Well, Rainbow Rowell called it ‘femslash’ on Twitter, and who am I to argue with that?

Still, other than the fact that that poor actor playing Michael spent the whole “Wendy sings the Lost Boys to sleep” scene clinging desperately to a bed he couldn’t get enough purchase on, I barely thought about Allison Williams because I was thinking about Christopher Walken as Hook all night.

I want those eyebrows in my life every day all day.

He was so over it. Hook, not Walken. And so, like, blasé about all the children he was going to kill. No murderous rage, just ennui. Who knew I could love ennui so much?   Remember when he stood beside sleeping abandoned Peter Pan and delivered his lines straight to camera? Remember how in the supposed hand-to-hand combat/dance he was basically just carefully picking his way over rocks while Williams helped him? I loved all of this. Captain Hook would love to retire but he’d disappoint all his pirates. Right? It did occur to me this morning that maybe what I thought was Allison Williams being low-energy or low-affect sometimes was actually her trying to match Hook’s …you know… ennui.

Did you have fun, or did you remember that you once played Tiger Lily at the age of 10 because your hair was the darkest of anyone else’s and you now realize exactly how gross that was? No? Just me?