Sasha passed on your ass and I tried so hard, SO HARD, that night to cajole her, force her, blackmail her into going back into that party to return your eyef-cking but she refused. What she also left out of her story was that she had just started hanging out with the boyman who would go on to become her husband. So there’s that. Morality or not, herpes or not, I still begrudge her for depriving me of an opportunity to sample you vicariously through her.

Sasha is no longer single. You however are very single, having separated from Alicja Bachleda, mother of your son Henry Tadeusz who just celebrated his first birthday. So who are you eyef-cking now? Do you eyef-ck when your sister is around? She was with you at the Chargers game yesterday and you are so protective of her, so respectful of her, I get the sense you wouldn’t work it around her, if you’re working it at all. Maybe you’re taking a relationship break. This probably isn’t a bad idea.


Don’t be mad. I know you get mad when we talk all the time about your personal life. So we’ll switch then to your professional life. Soon you’ll be promoting London Boulevard, opening in the UK at the end of the month. The trailer was just released online. I love it. But then again, I’ve always been partial to the Lock, Stock/Snatch/Rolla style of filmmaking. You look great. You sound great. I like you with this accent. I like you with this accent in London, my favourite place in the world. And, finally, I like you a LOT in a proper love scene. You were eyef-cking Sasha like you eyef-cked Keira in this film. I honestly don’t know how she walked.



Photos from London Ent/