Last time I saw you, you looked like this, in costume on the set of Horrible Bosses with a horrible combover. It was like you poured acid on my lady business. Am thrilled to see you’re diversifying in a comedy but am sad you’re doing so at the expense of my quiver. Yeah I get it, that’s probably your objective anyway.

But still I couldn’t help feeling so much better this morning to see that there are new photos of you from yesterday, on a trip to the grocery, in your true form, under a jaunty little trilby that can’t hide your deep sexy widow’s peak. Suddenly I’ve forgotten all about the combover.

You were there with “a Mystery Woman”, as labelled by the paps. Why don’t they ever recognise your sister? She’s always with you. Or do I recognise her because, um, I’m always all over you?

Remember when you and The Jolie were on Wetten Dass with Pele? That show is the most random sh-t ever. About as random as it was for me to think of it today.

Yours always,


Photos from