Here’s a riddle for all riddles…took several weeks to research and confirm because the level of atrocity is just so unspeakable.

A legendary philanderer, now that he’s allowed, managed to talk some random twat into sleeping with him…repeatedly. She of course is an aspiring celebrity, like so many young 20 somethings running around these days, obsessed with The Hills, believing they can be the next Lauren Conrard, dreaming of finally “moving to LA” and then when getting there, hooking up with any actor that can get them papped while leaving a club.

Why are some girls so dumb?

So dumb they get talked into sex without a condom, so dumb they get knocked up? When he found out, of course he promised he’d make it official…he’d legitimise her as his girlfriend but she had to, as you would expect, get rid of the bump. A nice cheque and a bauble, along with several thousand dollars worth of merchandise from Fred Segal came along with the promise.

Naturally she believes him. And she gets it done. And now he won’t return her calls preferring instead to set up a few photo opps depicting him the perfect single man. Her friends, seeing a cash opportunity, are imploring her to run to the tabs. Only she’s in love and is afraid to ruin her chances.

So all she does is keep calling. Only to be met with radio silence on the other end.

Pray Xenu she finally starts singing the jilted blues all the way to the National Enquirer. It’s about time this sleaze loses what’s left of a dwindling fanbase.