Apparently he thought paying for it would buy him discretion. As opposed to the other times, with that Loos woman, when it was free and enjoyable but she couldn’t keep her mouth shut, David Beckham must have figured that hiring someone to f-ck him on the side would guarantee the secrecy.


Not when you’re famous. And not when everyone else wants to be famous.

This is the problem with modern celebrity infidelity: the cheaters haven’t caught up to the times. It used to be that for the women, it would be enough to be having sex with a hot celebrity, and get a few baubles out of it as a bonus.

These days, cash money is not enough, a diamond is not enough. Getting nailed by the movie star is only the midpoint. The end goal you see is the cover of a magazine, a reality show, a book deal, a name for herself...

And these motherf-ckers, they’re too stupid and too horny to realise their cocks are not the top prize anymore.

So we come to David Beckham, no stranger to a scandal involving his extramarital shenanigans, and an ex hooker called Irma who claims that back in 2007, they had sex five times, for the bargain price of $10K each time. According to Irma, Becks is totally into foreplay, like an hour’s worth of foreplay, and doesn’t like his sh-t too freaky, and was actually rather “gentle”, and that once it got going it lasted for 15 minutes. Not bad. He also apparently burned his dick a little while jerking off with the hotel lotion. And she says that Becks is about a 7½ as a lover


Did you flinch? Too personal?

I’m not the married man with three children who messes around with prostitutes only to find the story on the cover of In Touch Weekly. Take it up with him if you want to get prudish. And while you’re at it, ask him why he can’t just leave it at a straight f-ck, ask him why he has to share with randoms the fact that he’s not happy with his wife’s skin and bony body, that he prefers a woman with curves.

Like it’s not embarrassing enough for Victoria that her husband is a chronic cheater, she also has to live with the fact that while he’s f-cking them, he also feels the compulsive need to share with them. And the worst part is the chain reaction.

Because this is what happens, what keeps happening over and over again. One trick makes money off her revelations, and the other tricks see that there’s money to be made and then they start coming forward, and pretty soon Tiger Woods has 19 mistresses.

You think David Beckham stopped at just one?