Did you watch Natalie Portman on Letterman last night? I actually wasn’t intending to watch it, but I saw pap photos of Jay Pharoah arriving at the studio and I set the PVR to make sure to catch him, and then when Jacek and I turned it on later, there she was as the first guest, and that kicked off 15 minutes of co-jerking between him and Dave, the two of them sharing hard-ons through the television.

From Dave it was effusive praise about Portman’s work in Black Swan. I mean he went ON. And he practically gave her the Oscar right there, openly declaring that no other actress this year comes close to the performance she delivers as a f-cked up ballerina playing head games. To her credit she was gracious about it, almost embarrassed, but Dave’s boner could not be stopped. And Jacek, while more subtle, was right there along with him.

“I like watching her body language. She’s very still, and controlled, thoughtful.”

“She’s got one of those raspy voices.”

“Yeah she’s definitely not an airhead.”


“This totally makes up for the time I saw her in those ballet workout clothes.”

And he continued, in tandem with Letterman, so that it began to feel like a choreographed erection dance with Natalie Portman as the centrepiece. Oh but she’s worth it. If a man has to pop one, better it’s Natalie Portman with stimulation at every turn, than just Blake Lively and her fake/not fake tits.

And you know what else I love about her? She wore her coat on her way out. She had on a great yellow dress and she covered it with her coat because it’s cold. You’ve seen how it works at Letterman though right? There are always paps and autograph seekers stationed outside the doors. Which is why so many tarts head to their cars, even when it’s freezing, with no coverage, because they want their outfits photographed. In the summer? Sure. In the winter? Ashley Greene, totally. Natalie Portman? Doesn’t need to.

Photos from Wenn.com