You know it’s bad when even People Magazine, the publication that will bunk inside the celebrity anal cavity for as long as possible until the situation speeds beyond ridiculous, can’t help but acknowledge the allegations. People Magazine somehow finds a way to print nice things about Ebola Paris Hilton. If they can’t find a way now to make it so that Demi and Ashton are happy happy perfect perfect?

Yeah. This is bad. For Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, this is really bad.

Click here to review my post yesterday re: the new issue of Star Magazine with text messages that seem to slamdunk Ashton’s cheating ass. Now People has released their own cover, a full page of Demi, but instead of publishing a sunshine and roses story, which is their usual style, it’s a rather objective analysis of their current predicament: yes, the two are trying to front united, yes, he’s now camped out with her in Michigan while she shoots a new movie, yes, they keep trying to shrug this sh-t off...

But People also includes quotes from insiders that seem to indicate this was only a matter of time, that the age difference would eventually come back to haunt them. Curiously enough, even though both are Twitter whores, neither has tweeted since the latest Star headline broke.

Will she leave him?

And lose face?

She won’t leave him.

They keep insisting in interviews that they don’t fight, remember? That they’ve reached some sort of spiritual enlightenment that’s elevated them above the pettiness that the rest of us keep drowning in. I’ve always been nervous about romantic smugness. And this is why.

Having said that, you also have to wonder if he wanted to get caught. If he just keeps pushing because he’s looking for a way out. It’s a cowardly way of handling it, but at one point he did adore her, probably still does, and for some people, saying “I’m a disappointment, I f-cked up, please kick me out” is much easier than telling someone that “I don’t love you anymore”.