Bump watch is my least favourite of all the gossip watches. Mostly because I don’t give a sh-t but also because most of the time it’s based on whether or not a woman happens to be bloated. Which isn’t exactly reliable scientific smut.

Three months ago, Halle Berry went out for groceries and her stomach wasn’t concave – all of a sudden she was supposed to be expecting. And she wasn’t. Same thing happened last week. She happened to wear a sequined dress, the light bounced off her belly a certain way – and she’s pregnant…again! But she’s not.

And then there’s Nicole Kidman. Who has been pregnant 12 times since 2005, following closely by Demi Moore, also rumoured to be with child about 4 times a year.

Most recently, it was 6 weeks ago. She showed up somewhere in an overcoat and headlines everywhere proclaimed it to be so, only to be shot down shortly thereafter when she wore a body-fitting black dress without the slightest hint of a bump – click here for a refresher.

But now Ashton and Demi are in Spain for a Prada event and she’s wearing a roomy baby doll – naturally the speculation is mounting anew.

Sure…she very well may be. Absolutely. Demi could TOTALLY be pregnant. I have no idea either way. All I’m saying though is if the sole basis for it rests on her wardrobe, it’s not exactly the most slamdunk source, non?

Can we focus instead on what the hell this woman is doing to stay so fresh and gorgeous? There’s Demi…and then there’s the Freeze. And Nicole might have the Oscar but Demi clearly has the magic potion, don’t you think?

As for Ashton… like f*ck. The Ashton Gary is back. Can he not leave that sh-t alone???