My mother was at home. She’s been at home for 2 days recovering from surgery, driving us crazy. My dad in particular. Because he’s there. At least with me, I have the phone as a buffer. Recovery means no casino. Recovery also means no mahjong. No casino and no mahjong means she’s bored. When she’s bored she’s prone to up the vitriol on her criticisms. My ass is dumpy in skinny jeans. My makeup on Talk was too light yesterday and I looked like a starving orphan, the ones from Mainland China with their fingers cut off leaving only their thumbs to hook onto the pants of bleeding heart tourists eager to open their wallets. I also should buy her a plane ticket before I buy a house, so that she can offer her stamp of approval, if not I will regret it forever and perhaps my marriage will fall apart. Also, Mrs Chan’s daughter lives in Singapore and sends photos every week. Why don’t I send photos every week? Naturally, the only answer is that I’m less obedient and this is an embarrassment to her.

Yeah so what was your mother doing last night?

Dina Lohan’s mother was outside the Wiltern Theatre in LA pretending like she’s 22. Lily Allen was performing and Lily is tight with Lindsay. Of course Dina had to be there.

Gross, right?

When your mom follows you around town, rolling like she’s one of the girls?


Then again it’s Dina Lohan.

Don’t you know who she is???

She’s the parent pimp begging you to punch her.

Photos from