Dear Gossips,

Something is happening. Something BEYONCÉ is happening.

I can’t concentrate. I can’t sit still. I feel anxious. I feel euphoric. I feel everything.

It’s Beyoncé, of course. Who else would it/could it be?

Beyoncé is the only artist right now who has become a self-contained EVENT. And she has taught us, repeatedly, to be ready for her. Are you ready?

Yesterday a supposed track list for the new album was leaked. The legitimacy of the track list has not been verified. The document claims that the album is due tomorrow on Tidal – April 1, April Fools’ Day? The document claims that there will be 16 songs on the album, including collaborations with Frank Ocean (WHAAAAAAT), Jay Z, Kanye West, Mariah Carey (OH MY JESUS), and Adele (please bring me back to life). Again, the legitimacy of the track list has not been verified.

Next… since last night the ELLE USA and ELLE UK Instagram accounts have been posting numbered photos of Beyoncé every hour seemingly counting down to 1…which would land just before noon ET. Interesting, too, by the way that it’s ELLE because did you read this totally f-cking crazy ass article yesterday? Take a few minutes later if you haven’t and enjoy that. It’s horrifying and exquisite and ugly and beautiful.

As for Beyoncé, OK, we’re assuming there’s to be an ELLE takeover. Which, fine, I mean you’re like, whatever, Lainey, it’s just a magazine cover. But does she talk to the magazine? After all this time is she talking? What will the pictures look like? Why ELLE? And if it’s “just a magazine cover”, how often is that accompanied by this kind of a prelude, this kind of a wind-up, this kind of blast?

I participated in a brand brainstorm yesterday about celebrity branding. And most of the discussion was about how no one, in movies, in music, in television, is doing it like Beyoncé right now. No one has the effect of Beyoncé – in that any time she does anything, no matter how seemingly pedestrian, it stops everyone. We live in the time of Beyoncé.

Yours in gossip,