I took a stab at watching the ESPYs (ESPN’s annual sports award show—I think it stands for Everybody Sports People Yay) last night. I made it to the 2:25 point, but with no end in sight and a late DVR start, I had to give up. The ESPYS give out awards like “best team” (New Orleans Saints) and “best moment” (Landon Donovan’s game-winning goal for USA versus Algeria in the World Cup), but they also have a bunch of “most inspiring little league moment” type awards that guarantee you cry. This year, ESPN made a super wise decision handing the show over to Seth Myers who booked all his SNL pals to do skits throughout the show. I think I enjoyed the ESPYs so much this year because of Myers. He never took it too seriously, making Tiger Woods the butt of many jokes, and he looked fantastic in his tux. I hope the film and TV award show people were watching—Seth Myers needs to host the Golden Globes. He did pass on a “most likely to go home with Ashley Greene” joke, but I’ll do it for him. The “most likely to go home with Ashley Greene” award goes to…tennis pro John Isner!
The ESPYs have turned into a pretty big industry event. The show was held at the Nokia Theater in downtown LA, and the celebrities were more numerous than ever and the profiles are steadily getting bigger. Will Ferrell turned up to support Myers, as did Andy Samberg, and in the night’s best bit hand’s down, Paul Rudd and Steve Carrell did a taped send-up of “The Decision", Lebron James’s one-hour tribute to murdering the city of Cleveland. Then there were the non-comedians, Samuel L. Jackson, Zac Efron, January Jones, and Jacek’s favorite model Brooklyn Decker. Of course, the tryhards were out in full force as well. Amber Rose was way overdressed in a bright yellow gown, Stephen Baldwin somehow got invited, and Ashley Greene posed so hard she looked like she was on the verge of a nose bleed all night. At least Ashley’s dress was nice. The fit wasn’t the best, but the dress was a solid choice.
Still, if ESPN really wants to make the ESPYs a real-deal award show, they’re going to have to cut the run time. The Oscars can go three-plus hours because it’s The Oscars, but the Everybody Sports People Yay awards shouldn’t last more than two hours.
The Decision spoof with Rudd and Carrell:
