It has been two years since I dedicated a post to Hollywood Ebola Paris Hilton. For those of you new to the site, here’s why it’s called Hollywood Ebola: because everything it’s associated with goes to sh-t, bleeds out, professionally and personally. Most recent victim: Brian Urlacher. Sometimes Hollywood Ebola doesn’t destroy right away, see? Sometimes it remains latent and you think you’re clear, and then you blow out your knee and don’t get the contract you want. Hollywood Ebola has a longer incubation period than most viruses. I thought with the rise of the Kardashians, we might be rid of it. I should have known. After all, there is no cure. You can’t kill that sh-t. God created a balanced universe. As Mandy Moore said in A Walk To Remember (I loved that movie, OK? Shane West used to be on my Five List, OK?), “without suffering there would be no compassion”. The world gave birth to Carey Mulligan to make us happy. The world spat out Ebola Paris Hilton to remind us that happiness comes at a price.
So it was announced yesterday that Ebola has signed a new record deal with Cash Money, Lil Wayne’s label. And Drake. And Nicki Minaj. Said Cash Money co-founder Birdman Williams:
“She’s always supported us, and we’ve supported her. It was a friendship first. She played us music, and I was taken aback. I was impressed by her music, and I didn’t know she could sing so well.”
Apparently its album will be EDM.
Bad move, Cash Money. Bad, bad move. And Wayne already has some health issues with all those seizures. Ebola Hilton is a virus that plays a long game. It will outlast us all. It will go into 14 overtimes and still be fresh. So even if there’s a short term gain, the calamity that will come later will be devastating. Watch.
Attached -- Ebola and its boyfriend being gross and infecting everyone at Gotha Club in Cannes.
Oh and one more thing, since it’s been so long, let’s enjoy one of my favourite photos of all time. When Ebola cried in the backseat of a cop car. That was a great day.