I have no doubt that in the long run, the 2012 Academy Awards will be fine, but man, right now, it’s a mess. In the wake of Brett Ratner resigning (read: getting canned) as co-producer, Eddie Murphy, the host he recruited, quit the telecast. I have one thought about this.


Murphy is supposed to be having this career resurrection but with Tower Heist failing to impress he’ll need something else to remind everyone why we loved him in the first place. Something like…hosting the Oscars.

Look, I get it. Ratner invested in Murphy and so Murphy is standing by Ratner, but Hollywood is not a team sport. Sometimes misplaced loyalty will sink you faster than anything else. People were excited for Murphy to host the Oscars, but, showing just how easily anyone can be replaced, when the news broke that he was quitting the gig, the coverage was less about mourning his loss than wondering who would host instead. This evening, the headlines are not about Murphy quitting so much as everyone wanting the Muppets to host. Murphy needed this gig and he need the months of positive press it would get him, but instead he finds his exit overshadowed by a bunch of felt critters with hands shoved up their asses.

Then came the news that Brian Grazer would be taking over as co-producer of the show. I find this choice a bit hypocritical, since Grazer produced The Dilemma, which was embroiled in its own controversy involving the f-word earlier this year. You’ve already made a stand on that topic with Ratner, why weaken your position by hiring someone who’s had the same bout of foot-in-mouth. Anyway, Grazer stated he intends to find a host ASAP. As cute as the Muppets would be, they aren’t a realistic option (could totally see them being used as presenters). It’s key that the Academy confirms a host ASAP because now they’re behind schedule. A repeat host is highly likely, and Billy Crystal’s name has come up. He expressed interest earlier this year so maybe that happens.

My choice for host is 1) Louis CK, 2) Danny Pudi and Don Glover (from Community), or 3) an involuntary person off the street. No seriously, imagine just nabbing some poor sot from Hollywood and Highland right before the show starts and shoving him on stage with a handful of cue cards. Because honestly, that couldn’t be any worse than the situation the Academy is in right now.