An Italian Queen. THE Italian Queen.

She's in her homeland living the George Clooney life for the summer, vacationing at his annual retreat in Lake Como, boating with the girls the other day in a bikini, showing off her tight ass, a crazy ass. Perhaps that's how they communicate. Through her ass. Because the English, well, we're still working on the English.

I often say that the mark of a great ass is one that can speak to you in several different languages and do your homework if you ask it to. Elisabetta Canalis's ass can take you through a PhD, goddamn.

As for where George is - he's probably watching them frolic with a cigar in his mouth from the deck, glass of Jack in his right hand, maybe nibbling on a piece of dark chocolate in his left, although these days I hear he's trying to abstain. Watching his weight.

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