By the time you read this, George Clooney will have arrived in Toronto for TIFF. The Ides of March will gala at Roy Thompson Hall tomorrow night. As you can see, George covers the new issue of Hello! Canada, the magazine’s 5th anniversary edition, with fresh exclusive photos of George with his new piece Stacy Keibler. Hugging. Proving they’re something. Just in time. In very good time. After all, we are campaigning now.

While George and Stacy are getting closer and working out their publicity strategy, his ex, the former Italian Queen Elisabetta Canalis is busy working on her publicity strategy too, now a competitor on Dancing With The Sh-ts. And supposedly the favourite to win.

Her???

WHY would America vote for Elisabetta Canalis comma George Clooney’s ex-girlfriend? She’s already had George Clooney. In their eyes, she couldn’t want for anything else.

Still, she’s trying. And she’s talking. And while she isn’t exactly calling him out by name, she is making some very definitive statements about her relationship. In a new interview with Italian magazine Chi, Elisabetta discusses the breakup:

"At the end of the day I have always seen the end of my relationships as a personal failure. There is nothing ever pretty (in) saying goodbye. I'm a bit of a tomboy, but when it comes to love I am a doormat. I'm looking for men who can give me security. I have always seen cold and controlled men as the right ones for me. You have to accept that Prince Charming who is coming to save you is not going to happen -- it works against you." (Source)

Lorella, what’s the Italian word for “doormat”? Just curious because this would have been a translation. And I want to know if the word was applied properly. Did she really call herself a doormat? And therefore imply that George stepped all over her? With a $10 million goodbye f-ck off? Everyone goes into it thinking they can be The One. And they all come out of it realising that, for him, there will never be just One. Unless of course you can be satisfied with Everything But. And in this case, Everything But doesn’t mean what kids are doing in Grade 9.

There are very, very clear conditions for being George’s Official Date. There are expectations. And one of those expectations is that you have no expectations. You are available when called upon. You provide a variety of services to satisfy a variety of, um, varied proclivities. You must respect confidentiality. You will be compensated handsomely. There will be no wedding. There will be no children. And as soon as you start pushing for that you are fired.

Why are we so programmed to think we can change them?

Or is he the one who is unfair? After all, he must love them. He must tell them so. And lead them to believe it. And when there’s love involved, can you blame them, can you blame her for assuming that might lead to MORE?

MORE is the problem. Was she emotionally greedy? Or is he is the king of emotional deprivation?

The new issue of Hello! Canada is on stands now.