About Jess & John

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 24, 2006 12:00:00 November 24, 2006 12:00:00
Although initial reports suggested they would be spending Thanksgiving together with her family, Us Weekly has clarified that Jessica Simpson and John Mayer were seen leaving LAX but on separate flights – she for Texas, he for NYC and his 3rd straight appearance on Letterman over the holiday before going home to his own family for the rest. Note also the speed with which John’s publicist shot down the story, not denying that the two are talking and exploring the possibility of something lasting, but also quick to convey that “slow” is the name of the game…unlike last time when one date resulted in a possible marriage proposal on the eve of her album release which turned into a media relations disaster thanks to the skillful manipulations of Papa Joe. Truth be told though, I really don’t know why she’s bothering. I’m sure he has his fans, I’m sure those fans are quite disappointed that he’s been hypnotized by the blonde, boob, blowjob appeal but I’m sorry, I just don’t get John Mayer. First of all, he’s not exactly the hotness, is he? He looks clammy and sour, like spoiled milk, like he’s constantly a little damp, like he makes squishy sounds whenever he walks. And while I know appearances aren’t everything, I’m not really down with his kind of music either. My husband calls it Limp Dick Music, I kinda have to agree. I know some chicks dig the sensitivity thing, I know Oprah wants you to want more from your man, but since I can get sentimental from my gays and my girls, I really don’t need my dude to write poetry about my body or, worse yet, to pretend to be the kind of dude who writes poetry about my body and then spends thousands of dollars on deviant phone sex with trannies who promise to let him pee all over them. Then again, maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m blind. Maybe John Mayer really is a f&cking sex god and I’m not enlightened enough to see it. But I’d take Johnny Knoxville 100 times before I’d take John Mayer … I’m just sayin’… Ps. You think Joe Simpson took these “convenient” pics? Just asking… Us Weekly

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