Put your bony little ass in the car seat and sit the f&ck down!

Check out Eva Longoria – who? Eva Longoria – who? Yes… Eva fecking Longoria tonight on the carpet at the Kung Fu Panda premiere trying desperately to divert attention away from the Pitt Porn.



Maybe a Hot Harry on a Horse sex tape. Maybe. But Eva Longoria has as much of a chance at trumping the Pitts than I do at growing a set of bottom eyelashes.

In other words… never happening. E-ver. Which goes without saying.

But you know what’s the egregious offence here? The egregious offence is that she actually TRIED. She actually believed it could happen. She actually thought there was hope.

Eva Longoria woke up today with dumbf*ckery on her mind and thought to herself – I am going to steal the spotlight from Brad and Angelina in this ugly abomination of a white dress.

THAT is what’s most appalling. Because in what Matrix manipulated universe would that ever be a possibility??? Bitch … please!

Photos from Wenn.com