Eva Mendes hurts me. Because she is sooooo lovely. Which is why her dressing problem is particularly painful. The wasted potential is painful. That dress is painful. And this bag…this bag is most painful of all.

On its own? For lunch at The Ivy? Giv’er.

But on a carpet? Dump that sh-t on a publicist and go hands free!

So bland, so underwhelming, so not worthy of Eva Mendes…a knockout who doesn’t stand out. Shame, non?

As for all your queries about Eva and Joaquin Phoenix in Cannes – they were indeed frisky at the gala carpet and at the D&G party afterwards. But not overly so. Not “get a room” so. More like a lingering history. Like they totally did it, maybe a few times, and both agreed to move on amicably, you know that vibe? That’s the vibe they gave off.

No drama here.