Contemplating Joaquin

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 26, 2006 12:00:00 January 26, 2006 12:00:00
My boyfriend is in trouble. Us Weekly is reporting that he was involved in a car accident today in LA and although his publicist has blamed the wreck on faulty brakes, rumours are already swirling about what exactly caused the accident and whether or not his trip to Promises last year really made a difference. As you already know, my fanatical Hollywood obsessions usually fizzle out after a month. And so it would seem that my burning desire for Joaquin Phoenix is decidedly less potent than it was a few weeks ago, when I could do nothing but daydream about the progression of our love affair: we meet for an interview, he falls in love with me during a hike in the Hollywood Hills with my beagle Marcus in tow, we make love after our first fight over the fact that I don’t want to move to LA to be with him, he retires from acting and immigrates to Canada, and we become international philanthropists, donating money and raising money for Covenant House sites all over the world. However, I"ve realised that while my lust may have waned, it"s actually a strong indication that he and I are made for a long lasting relationship. Because every great love affair eventually moves past the honeymoon phase. We are now in the process of solidifying our togetherness. So despite your many protestations to the contrary, I will stand by my man through this ordeal. An ordeal that may have just cost him his Oscar. He needs me now more than ever.

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