Yesterday’s gossip highlight came to courtesy of Leonardo DiCaprio – the joke about him getting f-cked by a fake bear in The Revenant. Click here for a refresher. The headline got so out of hand that Fox had to release a statement clarifying that Leo does not in fact get humped and pumped by the digital Ursa Major, telling Entertainment Weekly that:

“As anyone who has seen the movie can attest, the bear in the film is a female who attacks Hugh Glass because she feels he might be threatening her cubs. There is clearly no rape scene with a bear.”

But that’s clearly not the point, right? The point is that for weeks the story has been Leonardo DiCaprio: The Struggle Is Real. He slept on a pillow of animal intestines. He was frozen by Canada. He was thrashed by cables while filming the attack maybe-sexual assault scene. He had to break his vegetarian code. Basically the only thing he hasn’t done is donate his dick to the film.

And that’s why this ridiculous bear thrusting angle came at us the way it did. Because we’re over 10 weeks from Oscar and we’ve been so inundated already by Leo’s Oscar desperation, we actually would believe at this point that he’d bend over for a bear to get that statue.

Check out this meme that Amanda sent me this morning:

You see that look in his eyes? He’s never wanted a model as badly as he wants that golden little man.

Attached – Leo in Miami yesterday for some pre-Art Basel partying. Because the hardship he endured during production of The Revenant can only be balanced by at least 2 straight years of hedonism. Before you just hand it over to him though…

Does being cold constitute acting?