Call me Cruise and bat-sh-t blind… but in person? Francois-Henri Pinault, better known as Salma Hayek’s baby daddy, is actually kinda sexy. Like Daniel Craig – ugly sexy. Oozes money and power too...maybe that’s the reason. But I like to think I’m all over it because they were so sweet together, the way he clasped her hand, the way she looked up at him before heading inside the ballroom – not a look of submission but of equality: a comfortable partnership…it was adorable.

As was she. Perhaps a wee too matron though, compared to Naomi Watts who pulled off pregnancy couture with characteristic aplomb… but whatever. Salma is delicious. And you know what? Her monster tits aren’t actually all that shocking in person, even though they appear to be in pictures. Big yes. But time didn’t stand still, if you know what I mean. And if you had asked me beforehand if the world would have stopped when I saw her tits, I would have said yes for sure.