I’m writing to Garrett Hedlund. Because lately it’s been a string of quiver killers, one after the other.

TRON was terrible and he was terrible in it with his thigh thickness and bad acting. Also he’s not great in a photo call situation, as evidenced last night at a screening for Country Strong in New York. This… is not working for me. At all.

So Garrett needs to be great in the movie. He needs to be as great as you’ve promised, those of you who’ve already seen it and keep writing to me warning of his crazy sexiness. Fine. I am counting on it. Because if that sh-t is bad, he has to come off the Five List. And, um, gulp, I’m thinking of replacing him with Jordan Staal of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Why gulp? Errr…he’s 22. Shut UP Duana.

Then again, there’s also Brooks Laich of the Washington Capitals. Because, obviously.

The point is, Garrett needs to show me something. Something not sucky. I am fickle, my Five List is competitive, and his game lately has been weak.

More of this please.

Photos from Michael Loccisano/Gettyimages.com