If you don’t know, congratulations. Because you obviously haven’t made the mistake of reading Fifty Shades of Grey. I envy you. I want to UN-read it. Can you imagine if un-reading was possible? I could UN-read Ethan Hawke’s books. And read Harry Potter again for the very first time?

Anyway, Fifty Shades Of Grey is the story of Anastasia Steele who falls in love with Christian Grey who is super f-cked up and afraid of commitment and only wants to dick her in his special sex room and doesn’t want a relationship but of course then he falls in love with her because she’s not really that special, having just graduated from college with no particular distinction and no defined skills and no real personality.

Fifty Shades Of Grey, which originated as Twilight fan fiction, is now so popular, it has become its own genre formula, and all the publishers are trying to find its successor. Every other day I’ve been sent a book that the publicist claims is the “next Fifty Shades Of Grey”. In other words, here’s a dude, the most eligible dude, who’s into kinky sex only (but still remembers to ejaculate while looking into a woman’s eyes) and no love until he meets his Georgia/Hannah/Lila/Alicia/Jordana, the ordinary but special woman who changes him forever.

In other words, he’s George Clooney. It came to me this morning when I came across these pictures. If George Clooney were Lindsay Lohan he’d be suing Fifty Shades Of Grey.

Here’s Clooney hand in hand with Stacy Keibler in Italy yesterday. He is very lean right now, non?