Earlier this week, Jessica Biel was spotted on the back of Gerard Butler’s ride, like model shots with their hair blowing in the wind, prompting speculation that they’ve become a thing. At the time, I wrote that it would be highly unlikely for Butler, who enjoys his free time, to stay devoted to her ass. Please. His next target? Well, it’s a downgrade.

Word is Gerry was super flirty with Ashley Greene at the CFDA Awards in New York the other day. And, obviously, she was super flirty back. She probably also had her people tell that to the NY Daily News to report it. Ashley shared Spittle that night with Lady Gaga. He seemed to really be into her performance and positioned himself near the front as she performed, singing along to Poker Face which…

Ew.

I need you to picture that. Gerard Butler spittling to Poker Face.

Maybe it’s just me but I don’t find that attractive in a man. The man who fist pumps to the beats and mouths the f-cking words to Lady Gaga, much as I love Lady Gaga. GROSS.

My friend Lo and I had a hilarious email exchange the other day about a Never Five. She’d seen something revolting on my site, I think it was James Franco and that song he came up with, and she was like, you should have a Never Five, like the opposite of the Freebie Five. The Never Five is a list of men you’d die before f-cking. And it can’t be easy. It can’t be, like, oh that dude is so ugly, no way. I mean, where’s the art in that? You can’t say Peewee Herman. Come on. Never List candidates are often common fantasy material, that’s where the game is.

Needless to say, the first name I tossed back at her was Gerard Butler. I mean just picturing it gets me gaggy. We both agreed on Ryan Phillippe. Adrien Brody was one of mine. Also Vin Diesel. Ugh. Sick. And Kellan Lutz. And then she offered up the bearded Casey dude from American Idol this season. I followed with that low voice kid. Which is when we realised, after laughing and choking, that…

You can’t have a Never Five. There are too many.

Here’s Ashley at the gym yesterday. And Spittle at the CFDA Awards.


Photos from Wenn.com and Flynetonline.com