Geostorm looks gloriously dumb

Sarah Posted by Sarah at March 8, 2017 21:16:03 March 8, 2017 21:16:03

Sometimes a trailer comes along and lights up your life with how gloriously f*cking dumb the movie looks, and today that trailer is Geostorm, a movie in which Gerard Butler saves us from the weather. In the grand tradition of Twister, Volcano, Dante’s Peak, 2012, The Day After Tomorrow—all movies I love, by the way—Geostorm is a nonsense movie about nonsense science that leads to the weather trying to destroy us all. Yes, please, put this in my eyeballs yesterday.

I’m guessing that the “technology that controls the weather” is some kind of climate change response that goes awry and leads to a series of devastating natural disasters and our only hope for survival is Gerard Butler, I don’t know, karate-chopping the weather in the face. What I want to know is does the weather technology go haywire because of a malfunction, or is it Hackers With A Program That Controls Everything, or is it that The Weather itself rebels against human interference? Will they anthropomorphize weather? Like are we going to get a scene where Gerard Butler says something like, “Take that you bitch!” as he launches a nuke or whatever into the atmosphere? I very much look forward to Gerard Butler screaming at the weather like it’s an ex-girlfriend.

In the spirit of International Women’s Day, I would like to highlight someone who is not in in this movie but is awesome and worth mentioning: Katheryn Winnick. Abbie Cornish is visible at the 47 second mark, and she kind of looks like Winnick. Winnick is best known for playing Lagertha on Vikings, and she will also be in The Dark Tower with Idris Elba. Winnick is an accomplished martial artist with black belts in Tae Kwon Do and Karate, and founded her first martial arts school at sixteen. (You can watch her stunt reel here.) She is an advocate for Women In Film and Girl Up, and is total boss who gets it done every damn day. Pour one out for Katheryn Winnick.