Gerard Depardieu pissed on a plane yesterday. He had to go, and the seatbelt light was on, and they were about to take off, and he kept repeating “Je veux pisser, je veus pisser” and he was asked to hold it, and he couldn’t, so he just took care of it right in front of his seat. This, while gross, is not actually the funniest part of the story. The funniest part of the story is the eyewitness account of it. A fellow passenger told a French radio station that:

"And there and then he stood up and did it on the floor. We could see he had been drinking. The stewardess was dumbfounded. No-one said anything. It all happened with courtesy. Mr Depardieu sat back down and the plane returned to the parking area to be cleaned."

So some dude sprays the cabin and, you know, “it all happened with courtesy” - DO YOU LOVE IT??? I can almost hear this woman, the tone of her voice, saying it in French. It ain’t no thing. He pissed, they cleaned, and off we go.

And then there’s the airline (CityJet) response:

"I will only confirm that he, in effect, urinated in the plane."

Like urinating on the plane is, in effect, the least of concerns.

As for Gerard - totally uncivilised? Sure. Of course. That’s why this is making headlines. But you know, I do always envy a man’s ability to just... relieve whenever and wherever. Like on a golf course. It’s totally pedestrian for a man to go at the bushes. Totally, totally normal. And totally, totally impossible for a girl to squat one out in the same location. I have a small bladder. I feel this inequity all the time. And when you’re an uptight neurotic, it’s even worse. Sometimes I have trouble on a proper toilet. And I can never giv’er on one uninterrupted stream. There is always at least a pause in my pee. Too much information?

By the way, Gerard Depardieu is a winemaker these days.

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File photo from