Ew.

Why is Eric Bana still on the Freebie Five? I just can’t… the lips… the too thin lips that look like they’re eating each other… just can’t do. And it doesn’t seem right. That those lips are on there when Tom Brady isn’t.

Check out Tom Brady, arriving at LAX the other day with Gisele. Don’t tell me the face doesn’t quiver your loins. And even more… his big arm around her waist. It hurts. It hurts so badly.

Especially when you consider it’s just not possible. Maybe not even in a fantasy, you know? Because this is what he has: Gisele’s ass in some kind of cut up couture on a photo shoot in Malibu yesterday… living proof that all things are not created equal. That there is injustice. That she is a freak of nature. Seriously.

How is an ass like this even possible?

So why isn’t Tom on the Freebie Five? Because not even in my fantasy can I convince myself he’d want my ass over hers. Oh and he plays for the New England Patriots.

But it’s time to replace Eric Bana. It’s like that guy you can’t stand sleeping with anymore, you know?

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