Another mediocre episode resulted in more tangents during our Gossip Girl weekly. Including a new obsession we called Yale Mole …
This is what happens when there’s too much Dan and Serena and not enough Chuck. They took him away from the high school action, wisely I suppose, since he’s like a CEO or some sh-t now but still… leaving us to suffer through the bland blonde and her wishy washy boyfriend tangled up with Mary Kay LeTourneau, it’s cruel.
On the plus side – Serena and Dan…done. Yes.
On the not so plus side – paps shot these today: SPOILER!!! Nate and Blair kissing.
What?
No.
Call me Cruise but I’m starting to like Nate and Vanessa. In the way that I like the lamp in our living room. It doesn’t do anything but isn’t an eyesore and when we move to a permanent place we’ll go for an upgrade.
Am amused that Leighton has to stand on a board to perfect the shot. TV is so real! And some Dorota love too because…
Why do I have to justify this?
Photos from Splashnewsonline.com
Gossip Girl Weekly
Lainey: Two weeks is a long time. I missed S's breasts.
Duana: Miss Carr, by 'looking young' you are only pointing out that Dan Humphrey is older than we are. And obody says 'play hooky'. I mean, maybe they don't say 'skip', like we did.
Michelle: What is Dorota doing?! Oh her detention – duh
Duana: Why can't she just drop off her essay AT school? Oh I know - PLOT DEVICE
Michelle: Maybe Dan will be there?
Michelle: Why does Blair's dad ALWAYS have a picnic basket?
Duana: Hee.
Lainey: Bulldog's sweater ...
Duana: I want that Dog's argyle sweater.
Michelle: No wonder she loves Chuck. Look at what her dad is wearing.
Duana: I swore i would never dress a pet.
Michelle: Zadie could pull it off.
Lainey: Look at his little bum walking away! Why does Miss Carr remind me of Brenda Walsh?
Duana: This tells me the "and by...I mean..." construction is officially done
Michelle: I've done the awkward tap on the shoulder. Why are there always masks in weird flashbacks? Very Eyes Wide Shut.
Duana: Because teenage boys fantasize about Eyes Wide Shut? Tattoos would be crusty, weren't they? Primary colour coats.
Michelle: Like candy coloured crazy.
Michelle: Still no headband on Blair.
Duana: As Blair's hair gets lighter, her power erodes. It's like she's the Samoson of Constance Billard.
Michelle: Some of these extras are in post grad
Duana: So is gossip girl not in high school?
Michelle: Ok this is a bit too much.
Duana: Because how would she have time?
Duana: IS DOROTA GOSSIP GIRL?!?!
Michelle: GG is Dorota. I swear! But remember, we don't care who Gossip Girl is any more.
Duana: Is there significance to the trashy LV bag? Like is it the UES equivalent of a Loblaws grocery shopping bag?
Michelle: I do appreciate that Vanessa has only one coat and wears it every week.
Duana: I just wish Vanessa had a PURPOSE
Duana: Yes Chuck we do need details.
Lainey: I’m back! Please! Details! Please! I need!
Michelle: His feet were turned out – guaranteed.
Duana: Like, why are 100 year old Chuck and 6 year old Nate friends?
Lainey: But i need for his chest hair to go away
Duana: "When the truth fails you, you must abandon it."
Duana: EW. EW. EW. Dan.
Lainey: Every time Dan likes a girl, i hate her.
Duana: And this would be JUST AS GOOD if Dan and Serena weren't having weird pretend problems again.
Michelle: Mary Kay LeTourneau! Elaine’s role model
Duana: HAH!
Michelle: she must be disconnected again to not be yelling at me.
Duana: I know. I was just thinking that. She'd be squawking
Lainey: no, i'm laughing too hard.
Michelle: oh hi Mary Kay!
Lainey: I can't even argue with that.
Duana: Tomorrow NYIntel will -5 for Blair saying "cyberspace". Then again, I just took twelve minutes to spell squawk.
Michelle: Can we still be friends if I want to see "He's Just Not That InTo You"
Duana: No. I will throw chairs across the room.
Lainey: Can we still be friends if Jacek and I share an email account?
Michelle: Don't make me use an emoticon
Duana: Women are too stupid to know that guys are not into them?
Michelle: Yes. Some are.
Lainey: Yes. Many are.
Duana: Hmmm, what did I do to violate our friendship today?
Duana: Well, there was Gwyneth's penis...
Michelle: There was definitely something in those diapers
Michelle: Du - what if we see it on a Tuesday at Rainbow Theatre?
Lainey: Don't bribe her.
Duana: Can we be drunk and heckle? I know how you love that
Michelle: Yes, for that movie I would
Lainey: Du - you can't be bought so cheaply.
Duana: F-CK OFF, Avril. Give Jenny Humphrey back her personality.
Michelle: Serena actually looks dowdy
Duana: I haaaazzzzzzzzzz. I started to hate this scene and I just got sleepy. OPEN your back teeth Serena, jesus.
Michelle: This Chuck story line is STUPID
Duana: why does Nate get dressed to Not go to school? Note to self - get ginger ale. I like Dan and Blair WAY better than Dan and Serena.
Michelle: There's actual tension.
Duana: I can't WAIT for them to have an affair next year
Michelle: She's so bored by him it's refreshing. Why are Serena and Miss Carr wearing the same coat?
Duana: To prove how similar and boring they are?
Michelle: Serena's just high end boring. And taller.
Duana: As if they're trying to make it like Serena is gossip girl. Also, if she's trying to be professional, maybe Mary Kay shouldn't let the kids call her by her first name, how 'bout?
Michelle: Very good point. Especially when they call the Headmistress by her title.
Lainey: How many policies woudl you break for Chuck Bass?
Michelle: ew
Duana: Well, it's not like him to do the minimum. He should have seduced her for sport. YES.
Michelle: Nelly Yuki!!! Judas.
Duana: YEAH. Expulsion. Amazing.
Michelle: For the record, I miss Aaron. He brought out the breast in Serena.
Duana: But also, Blair Waldorf has been a credit to the school since pre-k. Ms Carr's been there two weeks. What does Ms. Carr have on Queller?
Michelle: Do you think she's actually a mole for Yale?
Duana: YALE MOLE! I'm making a T SHIRT with that.
Lainey: What did she do so wrong that a donation couldn't fix?
Duana: Blue skinny hoodie, YALE MOLE in curved letters on top? Brilliant.
Lainey: YALE MOLE. Go block that url.
Michelle: Is Blair's mom on honeymoon?
Duana: They can only afford one parent at a time.
Duana: I love you Blair.
Michelle: For breaking out the "daddy" sweet tone
Duana: Well, and also, isn't Dan 18 yet? And didn't we determine that the age of consent was 17 in NYC?
Michelle: Rufus looks different?
Duana: OK I think masks are tacky but a lace mask is kind of fun.
Lainey: I want an invitation to one of those parties.
Duana: Dear Rachel Letourneau, DON’T MEET STUDENTS OUTSIDE SCHOOL
Michelle: The whole power of Rachel needs to be explained. How are they friends? After one week?
Michelle: Hanson is the bulldog's name... thoughts?
Duana: Handsome, according to closed captioning
Duana: E? You're not yelling about dogs being given away?
Lainey: I'm too preoccupied by her rose sleeves.
Duana: It was Friday one-second ago!
Michelle: Rufus should've shook his hand. Weak.
Lainey: And this surprises you why?
Michelle: Roses on Blair's sleeves. Roses in Nate's hand... what's next. Oh no. I have Rahcel's sweater in blue.
Duana: Rachel IS gossip girl, trying to vet Blair?
Michelle: It's Banana Republic.
Duana: I am confuddled.
Lainey: She's insulted by the rumour and it's nighttime in a cafe. Ugh.
Lainey: And crying!
Duana: And she's letting him touch her HAIR.
Lainey: DO it Serena. DO IT.
Michelle: Yes! And … now she's interesting.
Duana: Like, this woman is either dumb or manipulateive
Duana: SEEE? Duana: Serena wants something.
Lainey: Finally! Serena wants something!
Michelle: Rachel’s the daughter of Rufus and Lily.
Duana: And was pitter-patter a clue?
Duana: Who's pregnant?
Michelle: She appeared after they went to Boston.
Duana: She's 21. Ish
Duana: Where did the girls say she'd milked cows?
Michelle: Didn't she work for Amnesty Int'l or the Peace Corps?
Lainey: Whatever. Let's celebrate Serena becoming a character. She did something! She's no longer Benjamin Button!
Lainey: Cornhuskers. So that would be Nebraska. Right?
Duana: Anywhere in the flyover states, I guess.
Duana: I'm gonna get hate mail for that
Michelle: But maybe she lied? There was a glimmer of personality. Like when she was trying to make Dan jealous at the beginning of the season.
Michelle: getting FlyoverState.com right now
Duana: Oh, that'll be long gone.
Duana: Was I supposed to do something with Yalemole.com?
Lainey: I don't remember that. When was she trying to make Dan jealous? oh wait. I don't care.
Lainey: go buy Yalemole.com and all its variations.
Michelle: Ha go to https://flyoverstate.com/
Duana: She's gonna burn her hair
Lainey: this woman reminds me of yasmeen bleeth. Is that her name? Her nose is crumbling.
Michelle: and her hair is farrah fawcett's
Duana: I aDORE that Chuck has the audacity to be upset that she drugged him.
Michelle: HE called the Eyes Wide Shut thing. I'm oddly proud.
Duana: OK, this whole plot is full of holes. Nobody recognized him? Have those two done it yet? Is it a plot point?
Michelle: Who? Chuck and the escort?
Duana: no, Nate and Vanessa.
Michelle: Serena is about to ruin Dan's life and she cannot furrow her brow.
Duana: Also, I used 'done it' unironically. I'm fired.
Duana: Shout out to The Smoking Gun? I want to wear Lily's sweater again. Oh God. Also, Lily and Blair are wearing the same colour. OF COURSE she'll check her email on the big-screen
Michelle: Damages Shout Out. Hell ya.
Lainey: Don't backtrack Serena. No....
Duana: Good thing Serena's mother just ignored her.
Duana: For what, the bathroom?
Michelle: Blair would never let her guard down like that.
Duana: The other amazing thing about this is that Eleanor would have backed up Blair.
Duana: OK, if Serena and Dan fix themselves by TALKING again, I'm done. I'm out. You can hold auditions for the new me.
Michelle: Serena's eyebrows are annoying.
Duana: Serena looks 17 in this scene
Lainey: Don't interrupt this momentous occasion. It's over. GOOD.
Duana: I don't have to quit!
Michelle: Yay!
Lainey: Marcus just farted.
Michelle: to celebrate?
Lainey: Exactly.
Michelle: Nick and Norah's coming out Feb 3!
Duana: Oddly wish I'd never read the book
Lainey: apparently they giggle their way through the commentary - cera and denning.
Duana: Awww.
Michelle: cute. But E are you over Michael Cera?
Lainey: SO over Michael Cera. But i love Nick and Norah. Even the book. Du's too hard on the book.
Michelle: back in Brooklyn means back in the cowboy shirt.
Lainey: and brooklyn hair.
Michelle: true he left the straightener at Lil's
Duana: Jenny gets one line an episode now
Michelle: How does she know where the teacher lives? And how does she afford to live there?
Duana: yeah, seriously. why does the teacher live in a classic six?
Michelle: Did you see the bookshelves? amazing.
Lainey: The dog is better...Does she have a painting of Oksana Baiul???
Michelle: Oksana as Marie Antoinette
Duana: I geniunely believe all the Blair/Daddy stuff
Michelle: Your captioning is right. Handsome is the dog's name. Not after the band.
Michelle: Remember Chuck got adopted last episode?
Lainey: I don't know about all this Opus Dei business that Bart Bass was messing around with.
Michelle: Ya very odd.
Duana: Its the masons, who cares?
Duana: Unless Bart was Gay
Michelle: No she didn't. Dan just got intersting.
Duana: Naw, he shouldve gone over there wanting it. Lily "Sarkozy" Bass is head of the parents council?
Michelle: it's our favorite - pathetic fallacy
Duana: WEll, my loves, THIS is what you call Feburary Sweeps
Michelle: A Dan sex scene is supposed to ATTRACT viewers?!
Duana: Oh, Gossip Girl, you are punny
Michelle: I missed it. I was too busy typing. What did GG say?
Duana: "What Goes Around Comes Around"
Lainey: ew. Dan coming.
Michelle: Cue Marcus farting
Photos from Splashnewsonline.com
