What we learned this week:
Serena and Dan, Blake Lively and Penn Badgley, are so boring we actually stop listening and Skype chat instead about J Crew blazers. Even their fights suck. Like, at this point, we miss sour milk Aaron. In other words, Dan is even damper and limper than Aaron Rose. And even Nate and Vanessa are hotter than anything to do with a Humphrey.
Cause for celebration: Little J only had 2 scenes this week. Woo like a Woo Girl!
Next cause for celebration: Chuck didn’t need Spanx.
Also…Dorota. Just because.
Attached – more photos from on set at Gossip Girl this week. Jessica Szohr’s face is looking busted. Too many late nights hard living with Ed Westwick, lucky bitch. And the way Penn Badgley wears his pants… as if you needed another reason to turn away.
Photos from Bauergriffinonline.com
Gossip Girl Weekly
Duana: Did Serena always have that nose freckle?
Michelle: My hope for tonight is that Serena's voice will express some emotion.
Duana: HAHH Blair watches Gilmore! Of course she would be anti-Rory! Because Yale = bulldogs.
Michelle: Elaine is dying over this dog.
Lainey: I LOVE BULLDOGS. Marcus only happened because of a bulldog!
Duana: Oh....oh...I'm pulled out of the moment because I don't like those chairs at all.
Michelle: Why are they all sitting on the same side of the table?
Duana: There's the callous girl I know. Uh oh. Is Serena pregnant in that coat?
Michelle: Serena actually looks 17. Shocking.
Duana: Are they living together?
Lainey: Van der Humphreys sharing a house? F-CK OFF!!!! Not liking Blake Lively with Chace Crawford’s straightening iron.
Michelle: Ew they're glowing. Rufus and Lily.
Duana: RUFUS and flatiron, you mean.
Michelle: But let me guess, you like her braids.
Duana: Also, how come Lily's not wearing any makeup?
Michelle: She rolled out of bed in her diamond earrings.
Duana: Speaking of pregnant...
Michelle: she actually is right?
Duana: yep
Lainey: she is. and divorcing.
Duana: But you could see it in that last scene.
Lainey: and she still breastfeeds her 2 year old.
Michelle: TMI!
Duana: Taking bets - are rufus and lily going to have a baby?
Michelle: I'm distracted by the fact Chuck is so casual without a tie.
Duana: Chuck is wearing pink? It's going to be a good episode.
Duana: have they said what's playing at the opera yet?
Lainey: it's always Carmen on tv.
Duana: I hate her already
Michelle: The teacher's coat is from Banana.
Lainey: very authentic.
Michelle: Does this signify that she doesn't belong?
Duana: So Nelly IS a Senior
Michelle: Oh Wagner!
Lainey: Can you imagine receiving your acceptance via text message? UGH. So does that mean the "thick envelope" cliche is passe now?
Michelle: remember driving home during lunch to check the mail - big envelope or small?
Duana: On our acceptance day I got some other girl's in my mailbox and was so happy for her I drove it over to her house. (Then I felt bad that she had to go to Western).
Lainey: easy...
Duana: you're right, that was too easy
Michelle: Ya easier there Ry-High.
Duana: I bet the kids do get their acceptances online - I know that's how they get their SAT scores.
Michelle: So is it if the email has an attachment or not?
Lainey: i registered by PHONE. how OLD am i???
Michelle: I think I registered by phone too.
Duana: Did Chuck even bother applying to "college"?
Michelle: Ya since when did he drop out of school altogether?
Lainey: he did. remember the frat thing?
Michelle: Did Chuck get his hair lightened?
Lainey: i love how Chuck is calling it a "cause".
Duana: Are we supposed to be getting some significance from Lily's giant ice cubes in every shot?
Michelle: Wait a sec, Blair is wearing an ascot and Chuck is not. What does this signify?
Duana: I strongly dislike Blair's blazer. It's too big or something. Whereas Serena's...wouldn't button if she tried.
Michelle: Shoulder pads?
Lainey: YES. Blair and Serena to fight again. The world is right. Please make them fight.
Michelle: So is this teacher her new "voice of reason?"
Lainey: Let's segue on that - are you supposed to buy a blazer that doesn’t button over your breasts but fits everywhere else?
Duana: She's apparently taken out her extensions. Can we call extensions over for real? My most recent blazer only has a single hook-and-eye closure.
Michelle: J Crew?!
Duana: yep
Duana: Have you seen it yet?
Lainey: Is that a yes. Stop hijacking my question with your J Crew business.
Duana: financial aid-iots!
Michelle: My name is Michelle, and I have bought a coat that does not button up.
Michelle: oops blazer
Lainey: When i've tried to do this my mother points it out all the time and says i'm too fat to wear it.
Michelle: Then you have to tell her she's too sparkly.
Lainey: why does Jack speak with a tremble?
Duana: But Michelle and I talked about this! Our mothers wore blazers in the 80s! They think everything is too small
Duana: https://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WomenBrowse/Women_Shop_By_Category/jacketsouterwear/jacketsouterwear/PRDOVR~97130/99101537020/97130.jsp
Michelle: the one i wanted was grey tweed
Duana: Everyone on this show got a little less makeup than they bargained for this week
Michelle: I enjoy it very much.
Lainey: i second.
Duana: OH SERENA YOU ARE SO BORING
Michelle: So Serena is going to give it up for Blair and hasn't thought about Dan?
Duana: "Hasn't thought about Dan" should be the headline of this show.
Duana: 20 minutes in, no little J. Back in rehab?
Lainey: S always sacrifices for B. She should start feeling resentful.
Duana: That's why she's BORING.
Michelle: Second thought Humphreys
Duana: Serena wants nothing ever, and everything falls into her lap, which is why she SUCKS as a character
Michelle: Good point. But I think I miss her cleavage and ridiculous nightwear
Duana: But wouldn't you like to want her to want someone or something?
Duana: Someday?
Michelle: She wants her family to be happy (sort of).
Duana: SO PREGNANT
Duana: I'm having fun also playing the 'so pregnant' game on HIMYM
Michelle: This is the most parenting Chuck's ever had.
Duana: Awww, she understands him.
Michelle: Is there a word for a male mistress?
Duana: It's time for her to start caling him Chuck, I think.
Lainey: Blake looks so ordinary without extensions!
Duana: Naw, 'cause Master doesn't really make the same sense
Michelle: Nelly Yuki Project! I hope they do a webisode of it.
Duana: The Nelly Yuki Project NEEDS TO BE a band right now
Duana: I worry about Dan's hair a lot
Michelle: Wait a second. Serena's defending the teacher more than her boyfriend?
Duana: I'm telling you, he's a live-in semi-incestuous sex toy. She doesn't have to care about him.
Duana: Oh! The Magic Flute!
Duana: I am a genius
Duana: (Also - I may have been known to practice this aria)
Lainey: do i believe that Eric has a Phd in opera???
Duana: Oh, I'm sure Eric learned it in preschool.
Lainey: I love how flawed blair is. i love her.
Duana: See? Blair x badness = way, way better than serena
Duana: pause
Michelle: The three of them in her bedroom remind me of Charlotte Street Hotel.
Lainey: sob!
Duana: Perfect!
Michelle: striped pencils!
Duana: Except we'd have to rely on E for all the animal print
Lainey: dance parties!
Michelle: OMG their animal print shirts were like Elaine’s pjs.
Duana: Oh, I forgot about those PJs!
Lainey: they're retired now...
Duana: where do you even buy a pajama set?
Lainey: Chinese mall.
Michelle: Of course.
Michelle: Serena. Again. Dress. Too. Small.
Duana: And, the boobs. Too tight is right
Lainey: S depends on hair. She went from a 7 to an 8.5 by curling her hair.
Duana: But M, this relates to something the other day.
Duana: See, I prefer the straigher hair.
Michelle: The Golden Globes?
Duana: Oh, Hi Vanessa's dress!
Michelle: Vanessa is wearing what Alice Munro wore to the Giller Prize.
Michelle: Seriously.
Duana: Then Alice Munro is stylish
Duana: Purse pregnancy hider!
Michelle: An Asian can also be a publicist. Add it to the list.
Duana: I know nothing from Tristan Und Isolde
Lainey: I love the name Isolde.
Duana: You do not
Duana: Do you?
Lainey: I do!!!
Lainey: would you ever speak to me again if i had a kid just to call it isolde?
Lainey: but. but. the dress is crushed velvet?
Duana: No, it's real velvet.
Lainey: Nate looks cute. what's wrong with me?
Duana: hey, remember those dresses when we were 14? Long crushed velvet with millions of buttons?
Michelle: It's the no bang thing.
Duana: They were SO LONG
Michelle: Oh wait here comes a boring Dan and Serena fight.
Lainey: i want to see her nipple.
Michelle: They actually make fighting boring. How is this possible?
Duana: How low cut does your dress have to be before your mom intervenes?
Michelle: It's no wonder Dan's a writer. Such great analogies.
Duana: Wait, Providence? Where is she going, RISD?
Michelle: Didn't she want to go to Brown?
Duana: oh right
Michelle: Or am I thinking of Sisterhood 2?
Duana: Heh. It could apply either way
Duana: SO PREGNANT HIDING BEHIND THE BANISTER
Michelle: The headband is back.
Duana: Hello Blair's beautiful dress.
Lainey: I hate Blair's dress. Emmy Rossum would wear it.
Michelle: I would think more Claire Danes.
Duana: No she wouln't, it's too frivolous
Duana: Emmy Rossum doesn't think she's Rossum, which is what makes her eever so
Lainey: oh but it does move...
Duana: LOVE IT
Michelle: Oh good twist with the guardian. Wait a sec we're missing the teacher being the moral compass of this episode.
Duana: I don't like when Blair's reasonable, but I do like when she's kind of aspergers about her whole life experience while wearing an amazing coat
Duana: Is she calling yale?
Michelle: jack attack
Duana: Oh I'm super scared all of a sudden
Lainey: Now I’m hot for nate and v. i suck.
Lainey: help help help.
Michelle: Can't wait for Rufus to save her.
Duana: No.
Duana: No saving.
Lainey: save please save please save save save save
Michelle: Rufus did borrow Nate's straightener.
Michelle: Charles!
Duana: So much better than a Rufus save.
Duana: All in a sleek Bow tie
Michelle: I must admit this is the best Charles has looked.
Duana: Oh he's SO pretty when he's a reluctant hero
Lainey: please. don't tell me you wouldn't have that. oh please.
Michelle: I wouldn't have any of that! But i can now understand just a tiny bit.
Duana: Oh, you so would. Maybe not now.
Duana: Go consult with 17 year old Michelle and get back to me
Michelle: Maybe if he was a hockey player.
Lainey: i wanted to tell you that i made progress today. i had a sex dream about the lead singer of Kings of Leon. he is very close to 30.
Michelle: Very proud of you E. Was it the cold meds?
Duana: Or the fact that the rest of the band is related to him?
Lainey: Yes. and they play on repeat at night on our ipod.
Michelle: Notice no cowboy shirts for Rufus.
Lainey: Not since he changed zip code.
Lainey: Oh Chuckie. i want to twirl the hair at the back of his neck with my fingers.
Michelle: I can't believe him being sincere.
Duana: is he hot for stepmama soon? ?
Michelle: I liked it better when we thought his mom was actually still alive.
Lainey: Blair's elizabethan era must end soon.
Michelle: Who has a photo like THAT in a frame?
Duana: And when was it taken? Last night?
Michelle: And Dan and Serena are wearing matching tops.
Duana: product placement
Duana: oh, sorry, this will be the may-december du jour
Michelle: But she's Serena's friend!
Duana: What better way to get back at her?
Michelle: how much plaid can someone wear at once?
Duana: I would wear that.
Michelle: Is it war?!
Michelle: Dorota rocks.
Duana: Hmmm, declaring war on someone we hate? too easy.
Duana: I wanted more of DaddyBlair
Duana: I like him
Michelle: Discuss - this episode was boring because it was too much about high school.
Duana: Oh interesting. I thought it was boring because it was A) too much about rufus and B) nobody did anything truly horrible
Duana: As you said, Dan and Serena make fighting boring
Duana: Even Rory and Logan had a good fight now and then
Michelle: How can she hate Rory if she went to Yale?
Photos from Bauergriffinonline.com
