Blair dreams in sepia

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 21, 2009 09:08:50 October 21, 2009 09:08:50

It was hyped as the boy on boy kiss episode but in the end there wasn’t enough tongue. There wasn’t enough anything.

Actually no, there was too much Vanessa. Always too much Vanessa. And that hair.


Has our show left us?

Why are Blair and Chuck middle aged? Why is he her life coach?

It’s getting so bad even Dan is almost tolerable. Almost. That elf head still makes me crazy.

As for Hilary Duff… I like her. I like her better when she’s bitch and bratty but I like her. Then again, it’s hard to say honestly because anyone is more likeable than Vanessa. Jessica Szohr can do better that this. And she certainly looks a lot better than this. Why do they try so hard to make her look like sh-t?

Attached – set photos from Gossip Girl in New York this week and also Hilary Duff in New York yesterday working on a tv movie called The Business of Falling in Love in Manhattan. Like a teenybop Carrie Bradshaw rip-off.

Gossip Girl Weekly

Duana: OK, Olivia's pretty real.

Michelle: Refreshing right?

Duana: Ahh, the return of Blair and Chuck's middle-aged sex game. Boring.

Michelle: Carter's hair still is still perma-grease.

Duana: I will try to care about Carter this episode, it'll be a project. And not 'care' in the "Elaine Lui" way

Lainey: just be happy I don’t share my scripted fantasies with you. Remember Michael Phelps?

Michelle: Of course, Blair dreams in sepia

Duana: Uh, like a social hygiene film? She's beautiful in Sepia though. Vanessa, slightly less so.

Lainey: Vanessa. Harsh divorcee

Michelle: I was going to say... maybe they should shoot the show this way and that way it's a bit more interesting.

Duana: Hey, in the days of black and white did anyone wear anything but black and white?

Michelle: Chuck and his purple. Hopefully this is a good sign.

Duana: OK, these two look like they're in that Renee Zellweger Ewen McGregor musical set in the 60s

Duana: Blair is beautiful even in a double-chin inducing position

Michelle: Bingo! And did you see Chuck's slippers?!

Duana: I've never seen All About Eve. I guess I should.

Michelle: Date for next time Lainey's in town.

Lainey: WHY is Chuck Tony Robbins all the time now?

Duana: DO we think Serena doubletapes her dress to her thighs?

Lainey: Last season it was all about her tits. This season, her snatch is taking centre stage.

Michelle: Nate's eyebrows... discuss

Duana: They're pretty...shaped, aren't they?

Michelle: And they're soooo long. And yes, double tape is Serena's best friend.

Lainey: what is Carter’s family? Why is his trust fund not savig him from the ugly Slytherin Texans?

Duana: OK, so just a minute now. Carter hurt someone emotionally, and now he's gonna be kidnapped for the next 20 years? And also, NATE has an idea? No he doesn't.

Michelle: Is there a plaid only agreement for all the guys wardrobe?

Duana: That ski-roof hair!

Lainey: this creepy chemistry between V and Rufus. Gross.

Duana: I'm still waiting for Rufus and Vanessa's affair.

Michelle: Her parents have names!

Duana: Cue hippies. "Arlo and Gabriella

Michelle: Rufus - please take scissors to Vanessa's hair. Layers can be foreplay.

Duana: Um, is any parent ever as low-pressure as Rufus?

Duana: "Layers Can Be Foreplay" is a T Shirt.

Michelle: going to right now

Duana: Serena is ridiculous on this street. Also, Nate is way too young to know who JR Ewing is. We are almost too young to know that.

Lainey: YOU are almost too young. I am from the era. It was past my bedtime though.

Michelle: Remember when Serena lost her virginity to Nate?

Lainey: Nate is prettier than Serena.

Duana: Did we assume that was her virginity?

Michelle: Good point.

Lainey: I am very excited about poker on this show. It’s like Chinese food.

Duana: Who are Blair's Blairettes? Because they make her look Old.

Duana: Also, that is a naked dress.

Michelle: True and true. But point to Blair for noticing V's tacky accessories.

Duana: OK, If Hilary WASN'T already Hilary Duff would she make it onscreen? Let's be honest now.

Duana: Since when do people refer to their stepmother-of-one-months as "parents"? Or is this the return of Dan's real mom?

Michelle: I think she has the "thing" but she may have headed down the Judy Greer path a bit more.

Duana: Riiiiight.

Michelle: Oh right Dan has a real mom.

Lainey: even his mother can’t stand to be around him. And he “acting kisses” with tongue. Foul.


Michelle: Does Blair make over her room every week?

Duana: I....can only look at the dress in this scenario.

Michelle: So who is going to sleep with Mr.Ellis first?

Lainey: Chuck

Duana: So...could this office look any more nondescript?

Duana: Who is Josh ellis again?

Michelle: I dunno but it's careful casting.

Duana: And if he's so young, why is his office so boring? Yes, you're right, he's careful.

Duana: Blair is so, so so pretty here.

Duana: 2-quadrant speaker?

Michelle: Is that a rating reference?

Duana: I don't understand how they actually WORK to make Jessica Szhor ugly.

Michelle: I like when they make fun of actresses.

Duana: Heh. Yes. That part is true.

Michelle: I know it's so odd. Perhaps we can invite someone from wardrobe in to the chat one week?

Duana: Um. If I know wardrobe, they have their hands full right...about...HERE.

Duana: What should Serena wear to a poker game in a garage, y'all?

Michelle: Who knows but they must be serious players because their collars are turned up!

Lainey: that’s actually the perfect outfit. Very Basic Instinct. She goes all in when she spreads her legs.

Duana: Buy-in's 25,000. Like, who are they playing with, Regis Philbin?

Duana: Can we talk about Dan's hair - while cowering from Elaine?

Michelle: Um I like it.

Duana: Me too.

Duana: Non-Insane Reasons = Dan's funny now.

Michelle: I know - why is he growing on me?

Lainey: you do NOT have permission to do this. Not Dan Humphrey AND John Mayer. Pick one. That’s all you get. I’ll await your decision next week.

Michelle: I'm worried Dan's going to get lost in Vanessa's hair
Duana: He's away from the insane influence of Rufus and JENNY WHO?

Michelle: Ha Jenny Whompfrey?

Duana: SNERK.

Duana: Carters' "Dead" is what I heard there.

Duana: Are we following any of this? Remember when it was about school, sort of?

Michelle: School is about toasts, isn't it?

Duana: WTF does Hilary have in front of her nether-regions?

Lainey: she just came from Japan. It’s a Hello Kitty gift.

Lainey: see?

Michelle: The Wiki searches for Machiavelli just shot up.

Duana: Nobody will be able to spell it. mackeeavelly

Duana: This show's reality is going out the window. She didn't even wait for the phone to ring long enough to go to voicemail.

Michelle: Remember when they paid attention to details like Georgina slipping the battery out of Dan's phone?

Lainey: there’s a ball every week. When did reality matter?

Michelle: Did Serena have a scrunchy on her wrist?

Lainey: so she notes the TELL and then TELLS the TELL to Nate who acknowledges it? what were you saying about reality?

Duana: OK. So now, nobody won anything, and they’re leaving the....garage? And we care about "Tripp's" Career? We've never seen Tripp.

Michelle: True and true again. Do the writers have ADD?

Lainey: didn’t we meet Tripp last year? he was getting married to some bland.

Michelle: Vanessa's sister or mother?

Duana: Hah Hah, indeterminate Vanessa-ian heritage. OK, Gabriella.

Duana: OK, so Chuck in Purple, as you say.

Michelle: Ooooh Mr Ellis.

Duana: Doubly intriguing

Michelle: Elaine is dying right now. Does Mr.Ellis like purple dwarves?

Lainey: indeed. I need a new happy place.

Duana: Mr. Ellis' shirt is also subtly purple.

Duana: Seriously. Chuck couldn'tve gotten an applebox?

Lainey: Hee

Duana: The only thing I like about this 'plan' of Nate's is that it had absolutely no chance of winning.

Lainey: ugh. I hate that being almost poor made Nate honourable.

Michelle: I love Tripp's pop art campaign posters.

Lainey: never mind. He’s still rich. And dicky. NOW I like Nate.

Michelle: Daniel? Who is Daniel?

Duana: So really, Gabriella is completely intolerable, so....

Lainey: by that logic, I am my mother.

Michelle: I've never enjoyed Rufus and Lily more.

Duana: Hil looks pretty.

Michelle: And it's the shirt version on Serena's earlier dress?

Duana: No, Serena just wears shirts as dresses.

Duana: Dan burning things, snerk.

Michelle: Ha. So Vanessa is turning in to Blair?!

Duana: The thing is, I don't sympathize with Vanessa. So I can't watch these things.

Lainey: sympathise? She SUCKS at it. At least lie with conviction.

Duana: So are Blair and Chuck at a gay bar? Also, if Mr. Ellis is anyone, wouldn't he know who chuck is?

Lainey: please don’t interrupt me admiring the tousling of Chuck’s hair.

Lainey: that’s it? That’s it? We could have used some of Dan’s tongue there.

Michelle: Why is he running away from her? Why should he be embarrassed?

Lainey: He’s a Scientologist.

Duana: What is the Tribeca scavenger hunt?

Michelle: Lets see what Wiki says.

Duana: Text-flurry with Dorota = plus one (with all due homage to NYMAG)

Duana: There we go, Chuck

Duana: So just a minute now. He's there to do her sexual favours?

Michelle: I know what E is dreaming of tonight.

Lainey: I’m dreaming of Chuck and his others

Duana: Who am I supposed to be feeling for right now? Can't someone tell me? Because I only feel bad for Hil.

Michelle: Ya really. I also feel bad for the actors who play Blair's mom and stepdad because they're out of work.

Lainey: Incontheivable.

Duana: I adore everything Blair's wearing above the waist. Vanessa's neckalce is the twin of Lily's earrings from last week.

Michelle: Vanessa's dress - Anthropologie? Michelle: I too love Blair's dress.

Lainey: Hil looks good in muted tangerine.

Duana: OK, Hil's just really goig over the top now. I meant the dress, but now...

Lainey: really? I like this side of her?

Michelle: Dear GG Wardrobe, Vanessa only needs one accessory. I know her hair covers a lot but I can still see her over-sized earrings over take her chunky necklace.

Duana: Oh dear.

Michelle: Lily. Sateen. No.

Duana: So wait, why did Chuck think he was kissing Mr. Ellis for?

Michelle: For their middle age sex game.

Duana: Boooooring.

Lainey: BORING.

Duana: So, wait a second now. WHY DO I CARE ABOUT CARTER AND TRIPP?

Lainey: Because Carter has great lips, Duana. I told you last week.

Duana: Their names make me tired, they are NOT APPEARING onscreen, why?

Michelle: I care more about Vanessa's accessories.

Lainey: John Mayer, Dan, V’s over accessorising…it’s like you’re abandoning me. And note that S, again, is showing all of New York her hoo hoo.

Duana: I care about these two figuring out Vanessa. I also care about Vanessa's giant and ridiculous purse.

Michelle: It's like Romper Room.

Michelle: I see Blair. I see Vanessa.

Duana: Heh.

Michelle: I wonder what could be recording Blair in V's gigantic purse?

Duana: OK, no joke, this exact plot device aired on Degrassi last week.

Michelle: Oh live mic even better.

Lainey: and 30 Rock last year.

Duana: Also, who's the worried looking 10 year old in the audience?

Michelle: V just out-Blaired B. This I enjoy.

Duana: I really like Blair's big dress in the absence of anything else to like. Also, I think I'm supposed to be extra-special complimentary because she's so refreshing - but Hilary's dress is doing NOTHING for her.

Michelle: I agree. Like I said, open invitation to GG wardrobe to join one week!

Duana: Or makeup!

Michelle: Or accessorizer!

Duana: Vanessa's an asshole!

Duana: She continues to be an asshole by wanting someone else's parents. Don't we grow out of that at 15?

Lainey: but Gabriella has a chicken coop and sun panels. I can’t really blame V.

Duana: Blair's dress is magnificent, especially in the face of Lily's Sateen.

Michelle: Yes, but wrong necklace.

Duana: Um, can we JUST have a show about Lily and Blair? I would watch this is a minute.

Lainey: write the spec.

Duana: Where is Serena making a romantic lair, and how did Carter escape his captors?

Lainey: She sold out Nate.

Michelle: Regardless, he found time to grease his hair.

Michelle: Ha oil rig. Slick hair. perfect.

Duana: "I didn't ask for you to save me". This is the most bullsh-t line I've ever heard.

Duana: "I wanted to take responsibility" - Second most bullsh-t line.

Michelle: It was stolen from an 80s teen romance, right?

Duana: Dear GG writers - NOBODY CARES about Carter. I'm sorry.


Lainey: great. You chased him away. are you happy now?

Duana: So is anyone left to give a damn toast on this show?

Michelle: Apparently so. Go Olivia.

Duana: I love Lily's "I don't know what you’re talking about" face. I'm going to cultivate it.

Michelle: I look forward to seeing it soon.

Duana: I'm going to be an awesome judgmental mom, don't you think?

Lainey: the best. Be like the lady who throws drama down at the airport with her baby.

Michelle: As long as you don't wear sateen, I’m okay with that.

Lainey: Du would wear stilettos while she’s feeding.

Michelle: Jenny... last scene... oh

Lainey: jenny opens and closes.

Duana: Do we think Olivia wonders why they have a giant prada sign?

Michelle: No I think she wants it.

Duana: OK, the flowers are also not necessarily flattering.

Michelle: Still liking Dan. Du still liking Blair's outfit. Esp necklace

Michelle: E - do Chuck's suspenders turn you on?

Lainey: as long as I can’t see his feet, it’s working.

Duana: The viewers on this show don't know who Travolta is. Also, isn't it a bit rich (no pun intended) for the VAN DER WOODSENS to be concerned with people being pretentious?

Lainey: people in the fly over states expect values. Even on Gossip Girl.

Duana: I like that sullen sorry Blair wears green brocade.

Lainey: I was totally expecting Mr Ellis behind the door. F-ck!

Michelle: "Mom I'm at the place." What kind of sentence is that?

Duana: No wonder Vanessa has no moral fiber, she has terrible parents.

Lainey: the nature mother has a cell phone.

Duana: Um, why is eric not at family breakfast?

Lainey: he’s not a full time player

Duana: Where does Serena spend her nights? Does Lily care?

Michelle: Really? Really. No.

Duana: OK, I now want this Blair dress.

Duana: Blair doesn't have parents either.

Lainey: always with the insight Du.

Duana: E - it's your site, we just type here. But maybe could we try a show we care about?

Michelle: Conclusion - I watch this show for the NYC skyline shots, Blair's accessories and to chat with you guys.

Duana: I concur with that.

Lainey: Can I add Carter to that list? I agree.

Duana: If we switch to another show we may miss the accessories.

Michelle: True. If it's Glee we'll talk about the colour of Sue's tracksuit.

Duana: And/or Rachel's hairties.

Lainey: Kurt’s posing.

Michelle: Or Quinn's perfect skin.

Duana: Or Arty's wheelchair moves.

To be continued…

Photos from and

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