Madge’s fertile successor

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 7, 2011 07:58:48 March 7, 2011 07:58:48

According to the UK’s News of the World (yeah my eyebrow is right up there with yours), Guy Ritchie and his girlfriend Jacqui Ainsley are expecting. Jacqui is a model. They’ve been together a year or so. And supposedly the baby is due in September. To celebrate, Guy took Jacqui away on holiday where they can both relax. It will be his third child. He has two with Madonna.

Oh yeah, Madonna.

You know Madonna.

She will deny it until her cheekbones are stretched across the back of her head but this, this for Madonna in particular must be rough. After all, she has searched the world for a magic potion, an elixir for youth, a religion for agelessness…

No one fights it harder that Madge. Now some bitch with fresh eggs is carrying around her ex-husband’s baby. This is Madonna we’re talking about. You really think Madonna doesn’t care???

What is Madonna doing then? Well, she’s dating some boy dancer/choreographer/whatever does it matter? And working on her “movie” W.E. about Wallis Simpson, like a Julie & Julia about the Duchess, which she will no doubt romanticise, even though the two lived kinda like freeloaders sponging from here to there when most of the world was in turmoil, to say nothing of the Nazi leanings. And how about the time she hated on black people who were serving her in the Bahamas, will that be included in the film?

Oh but Wallis really did have great style. And he gave it all up for love…


What are the odds that Madonna makes a truly objective film? What are the odds she can go back to making hit songs. Like truly memorably, pop gummy hit songs that you remember for a long time? The kinds of songs she used to sing, remember that?

M is apparently working on a new “dance” album. Her new dance music f-cking exhausts me.

File photos from

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