Gwen and Blake hit the Vanity Fair party, and as someone who stresses over outfits, I feel like this might be an even more stressful invitation than the Oscars. If you only get invited to the VF party, you have to gauge how ‘out there’ to go without the balance of your earlier, more traditional outfit to bounce off.

Still, if you’re an experienced celeb with great fashion connections, you should be able to do pretty well. I always love seeing what Elizabeth Banks will wear here, for example.

I mention this to give you context for the dress Gwen Stefani chose to wear, while holding hands with her boyfriend in a way that’s part high school, part Judy Blume’s Smart Women.  She’s letting you know how cute they are together, and also letting you know that she has a hot body.

Sorry, let’s just go back. Gwen Stefani is letting you know that she has an attractive figure, something you surely would never have known were her dress not a human-woman-size version of a ‘naughty valentines’ dress on a novelty teddy bear at the Hallmark Store. Meanwhile, he is wearing normal clothing.

I just…this just worries me. Because when will she be secure? The elements here are 1. Naked Dress, 2. Doting boyfriend, and 3. Commemorative photographs. You are adored. You are beautiful.  Don’t misunderstand me—she can wear whatever dress she wants, and plenty are more risqué than this one. 

It’s just that with Gwen the pattern always seems so similar. At what point won’t she need reassurance anymore?