All GOOP Thursday

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 6, 2010 13:53:00 May 6, 2010 13:53:00

She’ll be all over the place today/tonight/tomorrow so if you can’t stand the snotty bitch, find a yoga class and breathe it out.

Thursday is always GOOP Day. And today, one day before the highly anticipated release of Iron Man 2, the column is devoted to her Pepper Potts body. Of course. You pimp as many things as you can in one go. Gwyneth knows about opportunism. So while she’s promoting herself and her movie and her body, she’s also promoting her business partner and trainer Tracy Anderson. Once again it’s a series of leglifts. And it rips you off. Because in a 5 minute video Anderson only shows you 4 moves. You want more? You have to PAY.

Then it’s all about the diet. Something about Kale Juice. Pass.

After daytime, GOOP will also be assaulting you on prime time. As I reported a few weeks ago, G guested on The Marriage Ref for her good friend Jerry Seinfeld. The SHOES. Look at the shoes. And, as noted by my source at the time, she’s charming, she’s light and funny, and pretentious, and totally endearing to bitches like me. The video is below. And if you’ll be watching, click here first for a refresher on what actually happened at the taping for a comparison to how they edit it for tonight’s show.

Finally, haven’t had a chance yet to mention G’s appearance on Jimmy Fallon. She rapped. It was great. Especially the parts in between when they rushed back to the set in their seats. Reminds me of Gwyneth on SNL. I’m a huge fan of SNL. So I loved the book Live From New York: An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live as told by its Stars, Writers & Guests by Tom Shales & James Andrew Miller. Gwyneth has hosted a few times. And she’s a favourite with Lorne and the cast. No, I’m sorry to disappoint you, they actually liked her. And in the book, she’s quoted quite often. This is my favourite. I’ve just retyped it here from my bookshelf because I can’t find it online. It’s so good you will punch yourself in the face:

Page 474
The nicest thing Lorne ever said to me was after the first time I hosted. There was a sketch at the very end of the show where I was supposed to say, “I’m Gwyneth Paltrow and you may know me from Emma and all this stuff but what I really like is hardcore porn.” And the sketch at dress was like a minute and thirty seconds, and he came up to me and said, “We’re unfortunately going to have to cut it out of the live show. I don’t want to – I love this thing – but we’re going to have to cut it because it’s thirty seconds too long. We’re over.” And I said, “I can do it, I’ll shave thirty seconds off.” And he was like, “Are you sure?” And I said, “Definitely.” And so I did it and I shaved exactly thirty seconds off, and he came up to me after and he said, “No one has ever been able to do that except” – I think it was Bill Murray and someone else – “and no girl, I mean no woman.” So I felt very good about myself.

Such a smug ass little keener. But she is also really appealing when she’s loose and fun. That sketch rocked at the time. And this rapping segment is pretty cute too.

Attached – Gwyneth last week at Good Morning America.

By the way, Iron Man 2 is already breaking records. $100 million overseas so far and there’s an outside chance it could do bigger numbers than The Dark Knight. Needless to say, it’s a massive success already. And it hasn’t even opened in North America.

Photos from

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