She covers UK Vogue and now US Harper’s Bazaar as promotion builds for Iron Man 2, due for release on May 7th. Regular folk hate my G, but the fashion people, they love her.

It’s a safe, not very provocative article, which is no surprise. And if the subject were Kate Beckinsale or Jennifer Garner, it would indeed be a boring one. But this is Gwyneth. And while her interview may have been fake as sh-t, it doesn’t mean she didn’t drop a few snotty gems. Always.

Did you know she dropped out of The Danish Girl with Nicole Kidman because the shooting location and schedule had changed and she chose to be with her children instead? Every time Gwyneth speaks, she is judging someone. This is such a wonderful gift. You should appreciate her more. Especially since even when she’s trying to be humble she ends up better than you are.

Gwyneth just wrapped Love Don’t Let Me Down in Nashville. She claims that throughout the shoot, she ate fried food and drank a lot. Because she had to “let herself go”. This is what the character demanded. This is what the director demanded. Which is why she’s not as tight right now as she normally is.

"The director, Shana Feste, didn't want me to have any definition whatsoever, so I had to stop working out," says Gwyneth, balefully eyeing her bod. "I was so bad with the food and alcohol in Nashville. If you saw me naked compared to what I looked like when I did Iron Man 2, when I was exercising every day—I'll get it back together, but I've never eaten so much fried food and white flour in my life, ever. Oh, God."

See, when she talks like this, even I want to hit her. And I love her. But she can grate. She can grate even her most ardent fans.

Most of the time though, while you are burning your face off from hating her so much, I am delighting in her superiority. Namechecking? Please. This is Gwyneth Paltrow. Of course there’s namechecking. But she has no choice. She ONLY knows famous people.

"I don't know how people do it. I was just at a photo shoot with Kate Winslet, and I was like, 'How the f-ck do you do this? I don't understand.' Kate said, 'I know, it doesn't work. Everyone falls apart. I haven't worked in 20 months.' Some days I feel like everyone in my world has plugged themselves into my kidneys. I'm so tired."

Kate Winslet down, Christy Turlington and Mario Batali to go:

"(When it comes to GOOP) the hotel concierge is not telling me where to get a facial, Christy Turlington is. Doesn't everyone want to know that? I would want to know if you went to Mario Batali's house what he made you for dinner and could I have the recipe. So why not?"

G’s not just a homemaker though. G, don’t forget, is an artist. She learned to play guitar for Love Don’t Let Me Down. And she worked harder on that film than she has in a long, long time. For Iron Man she admits to simply calling it in:

"Iron Man was heaven. The kids could come every day. They had their mini Jeep that they drove around the parking lot in front of my trailer. I wasn't naked or crying like on (Love Don’t Let Me Down), where it was like, 'No, you can't visit Mommy today.' This was a much different thing. But professionally, I did feel so 'Oh, my God, yes, this is what I do. You know, this is me.'"

I can hear her saying that. “Oh, my God, yes, this is what I do. You know, this is me”, patronising like she’s the divine Athena. Wonderful, non?

Best quote in the entire article? From the most quotable man himself, Robert Downey Jr:

"The press loves (Gwyneth) and knows she's talented, but now they just want to see how hot she looks in those Louboutins. Or whatever crazy shoes. She was practically wearing things that had goldfish swimming around in the heels. She knows how to go large, and she knows how to be that thing and that person, and then the rest of the time she's wearing a pair of yoga pants and steaming some cod or something."

Steaming cod!

Sigh. I love him so much.

Click here to read the entire piece. G goes on nauseatingly about her husband who totally didn’t cheat on her with Kate Bosworth, hell no, but he didn’t sue over it either, and she also touches on Brange. There are more photos on the Harper’s site too.

RDJ is right about the style and the shoes though – as I noted a few weeks ago, this is why they need Gwyneth for the press tour. Because everyone cares about what she wears. Scarlett or not, Gwyneth Paltrow always prints.