Every week for the last few, Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP has introduced a limited edition collaboration. Jeans, t-shirts, trays...and now towels. Turkish towels. They’re beautiful. Expensive, of course, and beautiful.

But check out the way it’s being presented. I’ve attached the graphic. It looks like it says “turkish-t”, right? The positioning of that hyphen is too close. If they’d showed that to me before it went live, I think it would have bothered me. I think I would have asked them to modify it.

Anyway, this week’s newsletter is a Hamptons Guide, obviously. I’ve never been to the Hamptons but I would like to take my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, there and see what happens when she orders crab cakes and demands “no tax”.

In other Gwyneth news, have you seen her Hugo Boss promos? I’ve attached below.

As you’d expect, she looks great. I prefer it when her hair is wavy limp. And when her hair is wavy limp I wonder if they put in some hairpieces. If they did, it’s not so obvious. Obvious would be Lea Michele. But the quality of these clips, the direction, the editing...

It’s for sh-t, non?

Like an imitation of a chocolate commercial.

Look at her slow-walking too deliberately across the room. And the “glance away from the camera” shots are embarrassingly amateur, especially her expression. Are we pretending that Gwyneth Paltrow is an ingénue now? Even I, with several gold medals in the Tolerance For Gwyneth Paltrow competition, am having a hard time making this go down. I can only imagine then what you must be going through.

And why did they let her speak?

Me I can’t get enough of when Gwyneth speaks. The same way I can’t get enough of when Mimi doesn’t walk. But Gwyneth’s voice, that privileged nasal drawl, people hate that voice. I’m not sure that people will be buying a fragrance that’s attached to that voice. It’s a bizarre advertising plan. But I do love the pants she’s wearing in the last video.